Love & Respect 2

The first thing I want to do is to qualify all this Love & Respect stuff. If Jesus Christ is not THE focus of your marriage, all the love & respect in the world will not do a hootin' bit of good. If your goal is not to glorify Him, but to glorify marriage, I suggest you rethink. Our marriages are THE greatest witness to the world of the relationship between Christ and His Church. Love and respect, with no conditions attached, are the very character of God. Our relationship with our spouse should be a message of what Jesus Christ did for us on the cross, a testimony of the Gospel.

With that being said, the things that Christ would have us do in our marriages are things that do not come naturally. God commanded men to love knowing it would not be a natural inclination and He commanded women to respect knowing it would go against self.

Women need connection; two people connected together, thus the word "couple". This is what spells love to most women:

C= closeness; face-to-face involvement, intimacy without always ending in sex

O= openness; expressive, not shutting down, sharing dreams & fears, ideas, eye contact

U= understanding; just listen, not fixing, identifying with feelings, not dismissing feelings

P= peacemaking; conflicts WILL happen, resolving brings peace, never nurse bitterness

L= loyalty; complete commitment, not looking at other women, does what he says he'll do, for better or worse

E= esteem; honor & cherish, encouragement, teach children to respect, feel like his princess

If we women are not feeling loved, we will confront our husbands in order to connect with them. If done the wrong way, he will feel disrespected. Differing with each other is to be expected, but resolving our conflicts must be within the parameters of God's Word. If men feel disrespected, they will shut down.

Practical application: never, NEVer, NEVER talk negative about your husband in front of the kids. NEVER. (and for that matter, never in front of ANYONE).

More on what men need next week...