Love & Respect 1

As soon as Jerald & I got the email announcing the Love & Respect meetings that would be held at Grace, we put our names on the list. We had read the book together (& even taught a breakout session on parts of it) and agreed that no other book impacted us like this one in regards to understanding one another.

Eph. 5:33- "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Last night was the first session and we were blessed as expected. It was great for me to be reminded that my husband needs my respect (or reverence, my preferred word) just like he needs air to breathe. When I step on his air hose and cut off the flow of respect, he feels emasculated, unworthy and degraded. No matter how tough our men are, emotionally they are vulnerable to our contempt.

Scripture does not suggest that I respect my husband; it COMMANDS it. There is no qualifier in that. Nothing says that I should respect him only if he deserves it. How would I like it if Jerald only showed me love when I deserve it? (LORD help us all; I would never receive love).

Here's the thing about love & respect: it will make a bad marriage good and a good marriage better. That's how important it is.

So knowing all this, why do we get on that crazy cycle: without love, she reacts without respect; without respect he reacts without love. Why do I make him feel like the problems are his fault? Why do I put expectations on him and than act disrespectful because he doesn't meet them? Why do I think that if HE would be the one to change, things would get better? Sometimes I am such a slow learner. Nagging and placing expectations on him is terribly disrespectful! We wives cry out for love, but we aren't helping at all because of our contempt. Why do we more easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our husbands?

Marital problems and discord happen; they happen to everybody. We're all "sinners who say I do", (another good book!) Just because trouble shows up, we should not conclude that we've married the wrong person. The craziness continues when we keep doing the same thing with the same bad results. What we should conclude is that we are on the crazy cycle and we need to get off.

Communication, or lack thereof, seems to be one of the stickier aspects of marriage. A lot of that has to do with the way we hear and interpret. Men hear through blue hearing aids and women through pink. What I say is not what Jerald hears and what he thinks he heard is not what I meant at all. Craziness... :) It's so easy to focus on our own needs and lose sight of the needs of the other person.

Wives, we cannot afford to wait until our husbands make the first move! If I'm passing judgment on my husband for being unloving, I must ask myself if I am guilty of being disrespectful

The ultimate question becomes, "Does he feel respected?" It's not about him DESERVING respect; it's about him NEEDING it. 1 Peter 3: 1&2 are definitely talking about unconditional respect. Doing something that we don't feel like doing goes completely against our human nature. The way to fully love my husband is to respect him in ways that are meaningful to HIM. Something in my husband longs for me, as his wife, to look up to him with utmost reverence as he fulfills his role as my friend and lover.

Blessings of Contentment

Despite the weather, this is one of my favorite times of the year. I think it's because my personality thrives on orderliness, checking off my task list and chaoslessness (is that a word?).

The holidays and birthdays are over until April (Brooke's birthday). My days are more organized and it's even possible to check EVERYTHING off of my list. My devotions are more intense, less hurried. The house stays in order because I have the time to clean a room or an area every day. I'm able to create menus ahead of time (versus throwing something together 30 minutes before it's time to eat).

All of this seems to notch my contentment up quite a bit. I love the coziness of being at home when it's cold outside and fulfilling my domestic tendencies. My days are permeated with the routine of keeping the home peaceful which in turn creates a harmonious atmosphere for Jerald and the kids.

I believe the older I get, the more I treasure this time. I know it won't last; spring will create another entire array of tasks to add to my to-do list. But we won't think about that just now and I will continue to treasure these days God has so abundantly blessed me with.

For you Moms with little children: I want this to be an encouragement to you. I remember life being a perpetual state of chaos at one point, but IT WILL GET BETTER. The challenge for you is to find contentment in the bedlam, fulfillment in the pandemonium.

God calls us to choose satisfaction and peace in whatever stage of life we are in or whatever circumstances He has laid out for us.

It Is Finished

Christmas and birthdays are finally over for the Yost family. Whew! We had an awesome day with our kids yesterday, but I am looking forward to putting Christmas decos away and getting my house and schedule back to normal! It's hard to realize it's almost the middle of January. Yikes! Only 10 more months before I have to start the madness all over again. :)

Still Christmas

We are still in the middle of the whole Christmas thing and still have 2 weeks to go. (Sorry, Danny, but our tree isn't coming down for a while).

We loved the Christmas Eve service at church. It seems we are never home on Christmas, so we really appreciated it. We might just insist that Christmas Eve and Day are set aside for our kids after this.

We had a very different Christmas Day. Jerald didn't feel very good all day, so after some yummy cinnamon rolls, I took the kids to see "Bedtime Stories". It was light-hearted and fun, but also had a good message. We came home and had Chicken Fajitas and played Pictionary.

The next day, we went to Indiana for Christmas with Jerald's family. His mom has MS pretty bad and isn't really able to do a whole lot anymore. We are wondering how much longer we can stay at their house. We came home Saturday night.

Next weekend is Christmas with my mom; the highlight of the whole time will culminate on Sunday afternoon when we pick Adam up at the Cincy airport. His 19th birthday was yesterday. We talked with him on Friday; I asked him if he was ready to come home. His reply? Yes & no, mostly no.

Two weeks from yesterday will end our Christmas celebrations. I know I will be ready to get everything put away and be back on a normal schedule, but until then I will enjoy the time with my husband and kids.

The Season

Even though I start feeling a teensy bit of stress at everything that needs to be accomplished right now, I still enjoy this time of year. It's a time of being at home as much as possible, baking with my girls and listening to Christmas music. (My favorites right now are Trans-Siberian Orchestra and Fernando Ortega). The secret for me is to look ahead about 4 weeks in my planner and list all the food for various family get-togethers that needs to be made and plan accordingly. Everything possible goes in the freezer.

Jerald and I always take a weekend in early December and go to another city to Christmas shop. It's nice to be able to talk openly (versus secret code) about what we need to buy and order, and I always love his input. Plus the hotel and eating out are nice little amenities!

This week, we are putting as much in the freezer as we can. Brooke made tons of cookies for a couple gatherings, I made a cheesecake for Jerald's work Christmas and various candies (fudge, buckeyes, cream cheese candies). I'm also helping my mom get some food in her freezer for the family Christmas of 40+ brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, etc. Next week will be more of the same, plus finish shopping and wrapping.

We are going to Indiana the day after Christmas for Jerald's family Christmas. I have all the gifts bought and wrapped for that except one and that one is up to Jerald. Our tradition for dinner is tacos. Jerald's mom has MS and is no longer able to get around very well, so we are going to his brother's for the actual dinner and gifts. My contribution for the meal is appetizers, wassail, cookies and candy.

My family Christmas is always the New Year's weekend, Friday night to Sunday, although some don't come until Sat. My mom's house isn't big enough for everyone to stay there, so I host some of the family here (most are from out-of-state). Interestingly enough, we also have a tradition of tacos for dinner Saturday night. (It's simply amazing how different something like tacos can taste). On Sunday, we have a baked potato bar. My mom usually takes care of the Friday night supper by herself, but I'm helping with that this year. It's been soup and apple dumplings for a very long time.

Adam doesn't get home from Africa until January 4th, so Christmas with our kids will be the following weekend, Jan. 9th & 10th. The eve before gifts, we have snacky-type foods and play games together. The next day we have a hearty breakfast, gifts and a tradition of fondue for dinner.

On top of Christmas, we also have some birthdays to work in: Adam-Dec. 27th and Colin-Jan. 2nd. I usually let the kids choose their favorite meal; they range from roast beef & mashed potatoes to chicken fajitas.

One day at a time, sweet Jesus.
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength to do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone, sweet Jesus, and tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord, help me today, show me the way, one day at a time.

Mind Your Manners

With all of the family gatherings, holiday get-togethers and Christmas dinners approaching, it might be necessary to focus on dinner table manners with our families.

Mealtimes in the Yost home have always been an important part of our day. It is the time of the day when we sit down as a family and connect with one another. To make that hour as pleasant as possible, we spent a season when the kids were little reminding them of acceptable mealtime behavior.

We've all spent time sitting across a table with children who were eating like cavemen. They couldn't sit still, they slurped, they used their fingers, they interrupted, they reached, and yes, sometimes burped. This type of conduct was totally unacceptable when I was a child.

Somewhere along the line, I'm afraid we've forgotten to teach our kids the polite way to eat. We figured that once they had mastered picking up food themselves and getting it in their mouths instead of their hair, our job was finished. It could partly be because as a culture, we've made dinner a casual affair.

Families used to eat dinner together, and not just once a week, but the majority of the evenings. Today, because of schedules, we sit down, we inhale, we get up. Studies show that eating together as a family has awesome benefits. Teens who eat dinner with their families at least five times a week are less likely to do drugs or be depressed, and are more likely to do well in school. (Research by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse) Kids who never eat with their parents are 60% more likely to smoke or drink. It only makes sense that dinner is one of those opportunities to be together and actually talk. Kids internalize the message of Christ when they see us together as a family and living it out. Eating together provides a time to talk with our kids about their day. It gives us opportunity to keep up with what they are thinking and doing.

So now that we have established the necessity of a family mealtime, wouldn't it be more enjoyable if our children knew how to act properly at the table? It starts with setting the table. Even the youngest can be taught the proper way to set a place setting. Train them to do it properly. I know it seems like a minor detail, but it's the beginning of decorum. If it helps, draw the outlines of the plate, cup, knife, spoon and fork on paper and laminate it. They will feel really important at being able to do this on their own. Moms, if you don't know yourself, google it. :) Napkins are a vital piece of an enjoyable meal. Teach your kids to use it instead of their sleeves! Other important etiquette rules are elbows off the table, please chew with your mouth shut, sit still in your chair, no eating with fingers, use utensils properly, take turns speaking. It's a time to learn to listen quietly when another person is speaking.

This might all seem like a small piece of a child's training, but it pertains to respect, honor and courtesy. It will carry over to other areas of their lives.

When children sit at dinner respectfully, the time together is more enjoyable for everyone. It will take consistency, discipline and patience, but the dividends will be worth it. Just ask your relatives who may have to eat with your barbaric offspring at the next Christmas dinner.

Frantic Friday

I REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE!

In my opinion "Black Friday" has become exactly that: black! As black as the depravity of man's heart.

How can any material thing be more important than a human life? One greeter at a Walmart won't be celebrating the season with his family. Instead his family is planning his funeral. The masses broke the doors down and trampled him underfoot as they madly rushed to get those iPods or xboxes or gps or... How can this happen?

Nicole works at Walmart in Troy. Thankfully, she didn't have to work till afternoon. She came home last night and told us about a man who punched a lady and her daughter because they took the last xbox off the shelf!!

A couple years ago, Jerald & I decided to get up in the middle of the night and go to a Best Buy for something ( I don't even remember what it was anymore). We stood in a line that went across the front, down the side and half way around the back of the store. Even after the store opened, the line barely moved. We decided it wasn't worth the ridiculous wait, so we went home. Jerald went online and got the same exact item for the same exact price with no shipping.

How can we go from spending one day in thanksgiving with our families to spending the very next day in a lustful, mad pursuit of stuff? It's like something (or someone) temporarily takes up residence in the heart and causes actions and attitudes that are insane.

For shame America!