True Repentance

Repent: to feel such sorrow for sin as to be disposed to turn away from it.

In Acts 26:20, Luke is recording Paul's conversion to following Christ and his subsequent call to others "that they should repent and turn to God, performing deeds in keeping with their repentance". John the Baptist uses similar words in Matthew 3:8, "Bear fruit in keeping with repentance". (also found in Luke 3:8)

What does "performing deeds in keeping with repentance" mean?

True repentance means that our lives will no longer be dominated by sin. As Christians, we will still sin, but it will not control and direct our lives. As unbelievers, we have no way to repent unless we are chosen and called by God and convicted by the Holy Spirit. As moral beings, we may be sorry for some things we've done and have regrets, but that is not repentance.

The evidence of true repentance will be godly sorrow. A false repentance may very well understand the destruction that sin can cause, but if their happiness depends on continuation of this sin, they will persist in embracing it.

True repentance understands how God views sin, how detestable sin is and how deserving of eternal death. When we view our sin in relation to God, it should cause us to weep and to hate the effects of it. For the believer, it is truly an amazing thing to know God can and does forgive sin. True repentance causes us to dwell, not on the fact that we are saved, but that we are not condemned. Humility is a key component in the truly repentant.

What does genuine repentance look like?

First, there will be a conscious choice to turn away from sin. You will know that "the old has passed away; behold the new has come". The desire to continue in sin will be gone. Not out of fear of punishment, but because you genuinely hate sin.

Second, Godly repentance will produce a change in behavior. It will lead to confession and the desire to make things right. Conviction about wrong behavior is only part of the equation. Seeking restoration and attempting to undo the wrongs that have been done are evidences of true repentance.

Third, true repentance will be evidenced in a changed person. The new person can never go back and be the old person again. Perseverance towards heaven will be assured.

What does false repentance look like?

First, they may sorrow over sin, but only because of the havoc it has caused, only because their happiness has been interrupted. They may be afraid of being found out and being disgraced. They may be sorry for that they have done because of the effects on other people. Feelings of remorse and being sorry are not repentance because those feelings are based on selfish motives.

Second, ungodly repentance leaves the will to sin and the condition of the heart unchanged. They will try to hide their past with lies and excuses, covering up with apologies and trying to smooth things over. There will be a constant attempt to cover up sin. There will not be an open-hearted, unreserved, unashamed, genuine, undisguised honesty. Worldly sorrow will be present, but not a godly sorrow.

Third, there will be an incomplete change in conduct. What has changed will only be temporary.

Back to the question, what are deeds in keeping with repentance?

I believe it is biblical conduct that shows a reformed heart, the evidence of sincerity. Just like we can tell what kind of tree it is by the fruit it produces, so true repentance is evident by Godly conduct. WE cannot say we are sorry for our sins, but do nothing to change our lives. Our life will now confirm the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit. This visible fruit of the Spirit will be seen in a life that is lived righteous and holy, a life that becomes more and more like Jesus Christ.

Genuine repentance produces change! Genuine repentance produces humility, begs forgiveness, makes up no excuses and rights wrongs. Confession, repentance and bearing fruit are the natural out-pourings of true faith in God and His Son, Jesus Christ. We cannot be transformed into His image until we get real about wanting God to change us and make us like Jesus.

Facebook Fling

I am in a love/hate relationship with facebook. I love certain aspects of it, but hate others.

I love being able to stay in touch and keep up with my friends (which, by the way, is not necessarily everyone who is my "friend"), to see photos of people I love (which, by the way, is not everyone who is my "friend") and reconnecting with high school chums. Those are things I love about facebook.

I hate it that people can (and do) use it as a means of hurting other people. They post veiled comments, "innocent" innuendos as status updates and/or outright provocation. I hate the ease of being able to write the first thing that pops into my head without stopping to examine my heart for motive or realizing the consequences of what I've just said to hundreds of people. Some things can "look" so innocent, but knowing the background changes everything.

I truly wonder if I realize that James 3:5-15 refers to not only what comes out of my mouth, but what also comes out of my fingers. What I write can bless my Lord and Father and it can also curse the people who are made in His likeness. The things I say (in writing) reflect my character and thus my heart.

And so...I'm trying to figure out how to use facebook without a) hurting someone and b) getting hurt.

Thus, my minimal usage in the last couple months.

Teens in the Home

I recently read a statistic that said 33% of parents say they sometimes have major disagreements with their kids. 33%? Seriously? I would have expected that number to be a lot higher. I concluded that the remaining 67% are either disconnected from their teenagers (i.e., don't care, no guidelines), or they are super-controlling, or their kids are adept at lying or hiding.

I confess...I hate verbal confrontation and will sometimes ignore things to avoid it. I know that avoidance is not the answer and is not the biblical way to parent. Conflict is a part of life and if I avoid it with my kids, I am not teaching them how to handle issues biblically. Verbal disagreements are one way of telling my kids that it's ok for them to have their own thoughts and feelings and even to express them. It can be a teaching tool for how to do that with respect and honor. And that I will love them no matter what.

There does come a time when the old "because I'm the mom, that's why" is no longer effective. If I can remember a few practical steps for having a disagreement with one of my teenagers, I can avoid some of the minefields of living with teens.

1. Establish boundaries before or after the conflict, not in the middle of it. Assure them that it's normal to feel differently than me about certain issues, but that we both have to honor & respect each other even in disagreements. They need to know that ultimately, I, as the parent, will be held accountable before God.

2. Don't take everything that comes out my kids' mouths personally. They are trying to establish their own identities. Give them some room to do that, keeping in mind the boundary of honor & respect.

3. Remain calm- no matter what! Do NOT holler back at them. *sigh* This is most definitely my biggest area of failure. Many times I've looked back at a conflict and realized the ridiculousness of verbal volleying with one of my kids. My teens really need me to be stable. They WILL try to push my buttons. It's always best if I spend more time listening than talking.

4. Be willing to compromise if the issue is negotiable, but stand my ground if it is not. Think biblical non-negotiables.

5. If the conflict is too heated, it's best to both walk away for a time.

6. Never, ever, EVER react to anything that comes out of their mouths. Sometimes they just want to test me. I'm getting quite good at non-reacting. :)

7. After the conflict, make sure my teenager knows how very much I love them.

8. Don't bring up every issue that annoys me. Stick to the subject at hand.

9. Do not use words such as, "always", "never", etc.

10. Do not ever, EVER compare kids! EVER!

One of the most powerful parenting tools I have is my relationship with my kids. I think deep down inside, my children want me to be their parent not their friend. The friend thing will come later, if I've handled the conflicts in a God-honoring way.

The part of having teens in the home that I really enjoy is being able to have adult conversations with them, to volley ideas back and forth and to discuss biblical ideas and where they are at spiritually. They are a real joy!

New Beginnings

I am my own worst enemy.

I have a ton of things in my head to write about, but I don't even get started unless I have it all mapped out ahead of time. Why don't I just sit down and write? I think it has something to do with perfectionism, something about not even starting until I can finish well. I've always struggled with that, even in my daily chores. I've had to train myself to just do it even if it's only 15 minutes.

A new year excites me. It feels like a clean slate, a time of new beginnings. The last several months of last year were spent feeling defeated by the enemy. Life is just messy at times and, I felt like I was drowning in the confusion & chaos of it. Where was the victory that I, as a believer, was supposed to be living in?

A song I used to sing (in my days of 4-part harmony) keeps echoing through my memory:

Lift me up above the shadows, plant my feet on higher ground;
Lift me up above the clouds, Lord, where the pure sunshine is found.
Lift me up above my weakness, lift me up into Thy strength,
Lift me up above the shadows, till I stand with Thee at length.

Lift me up above the shadows, out of sorrow into joy;
Lift me up above my grief, Lord, give me gold for my alloy;
Then, when death must claim my spirit and the storms of life are past,
Lift me up above the shadows, till in heaven I stand at last.

That's where I want to stand...above the shadows. Life is still messy, but a sovereign God knows that. When I really realize how in control He is, and that I don't need to be, I live in sunshine even when there are shadows all around me.

Ahhhh...new beginnings...a clean heart...renewed fellowship with Jesus...strength in submission to God's authority.

(Man, I'd love to sing that song again in harmony with soprano, tenor & bass!!)

Away

While Momma's away....the mice do play!!!

I have one pretty amazing daughter wouldn't you say!!

The Child-Centered Home

A child-centered home is one in which the interests and activities of the child/children are at the center of where the adult members revolve. The adults in the family submit their schedules, activities and conversations to that of the child.

It is extremely important for children to learn at a very young age (probably younger than we even realize) that they are a part of something much bigger and greater than themselves. Children learn very quickly how much influence they have.

The most basic, God-ordained relationship is not the parent/child, but instead the husband/wife relationship. In our world today, that is often not the case. Parents seem to be living FOR their children. Everything- schedules, conversations, activities, goals, interests- has been about the kids. They face the empty nest years with panic because the foundation of their relationship has revolved around the children; they suddenly realize that all they have is their meaningless husband/wife relationship. So many couples are bewildered, after being married 7-10 years, at the lack of love they “feel”. They wake up and realize their lives have completely revolved around the kids, that the children are dictating the schedule, including how much time the parents spend together as a couple. They have become so child-centered that they don't have time for each other. The marriage will suffer and maybe even end because of it.

What are some possible signs of a child-centered home? Notice the word 'possible'. Not all of these things are bad, but when they are out-of-balance, they are fairly good indicators.
~Allowing kids to interrupt adult conversation
~Hovering over your kids-they will hurt themselves and break things; give them some space.
~Refusing to leave kids with sitters or if you do, micro-managing the sitter
~Permitting children to manipulate to get their own way
~Making excuses for disobedient behavior
~Letting them dictate meal times and bedtime. To a degree, kids' physical needs are different than an adults, but your whole world need not grind to a halt for the sake of a few minutes. They probably won't die if they must wait to eat or go to bed.
~Allowing child's schedule to dictate the entire family's schedule. Be very cautious of activities that consistently keep your family from Sunday worship.
~Refusing to let them cry
~Becoming your child's friend instead of authority figure

Your child will become very adept at making you feel guilty for not keeping him/her the center of attention. Very young children will cry when you walk away from them. Older kids will whine and complain about what they don't get to do. I've never yet seen a child die from crying. It's okay to push aside your feelings of guilt; your children will survive and be better for it. John Rosemond once wrote, "Some parents act as if they took a wedding vow that says, 'I take thee to be my husband/wife, until children do us part.'" Sad, but so often true. Your child has joined your home for a few brief years, but your marriage will be there long after they're gone, IF you've given it priority.

A marriage-centered home (with Christ at the very core) is crucial in those years when there are many little feet running around. What we don't realize is that the very thing we want our children to have-a secure home environment-will happen only when they realize they live with a mom and dad who love each other. This knowledge will produce the stability your kids are looking for. Children need to see parents who know how to live and love together.

It is so easy to become parents and put our marriages on the back burner. It is crucial for our children to take their proper place in the home. (Our children are very used to the phrase, “Dad's the king; Mom's the queen; deal with it”). That happens when we are intentional about our marriages. It is important to connect daily. Even 15 minutes of “Mom & Dad time” when he gets home from work is vital to this connection. Dating regularly is critical to a growing relationship. Why do we date before marriage and quit after the wedding? It doesn't have to be some big thing; coffee or ice cream & a walk is wonderful. Do fun things together, whatever that might be for you. Be affectionate to each other with physical touch. Your kids might act grossed out and tell you to “get a room”, but down inside they feel secure at knowing they have parents who love each other. Be interested in what interests your spouse. Not because you necessarily are, but because you love him.

We should be training our children to leave the home and when that time comes, we should be looking forward to it. If we consider our marriages to be the most basic, God-ordained relationship, we will be okay with an empty nest. (Personally, I'm very excited about that prospect). :)

Slacker

It is time to blog again!! I will...I promise.