Joy In The Journey

Give Them Wings

2011-08-10T11:36:00.000-04:00

As a mother of adult/semi-adult children, I have already released some of my kids and have more on the verge of flying. When I realize these aren't my children (God has only loaned them to me for a time), it makes it easier to let them go. It is especially encouraging to see them making wise and good choices, to see them bearing fruit. It is also just as devastating to watch when those choices are sinful; I want to protect them from the consequences that are sure to follow.

So, how do I give them wings?

It is a fact; children will face hardships and trials. How can I, as a Mom, help them to face life with strength?

They watch how I deal with difficult circumstances. When I face situations with despair and much hand-wringing, I am teaching them to do the same. Kids are very "in tune" with my reactions. Digging into God's Word on a daily basis, praying and seeking God's wisdom will help me to glorify God even in the hard times and leave a lasting impression on my children.

It is not helping my children to sugar-coat life for them. If there is a situation happening, they can sense something is going on. I need to share with them information that is appropriate to their age and discuss tough times with them. Showing them in a practical way how Godly people deal with life's circumstances will prepare them for the future.

My kids need to learn problem-solving skills. It is my instinct to want to protect them from troubles or to stay in control by making decisions for them, but it is in their best interest to let them go through stress and to learn how to make wise choices. I am not equipping them for the future when I jump in and solve their issues. One very practical aspect of this is when they are having squabbles between themselves. They need to learn how to apply Matthew 18 and to know how Christians solve their issues. My job is to be there reassuring them of my love and support.

When I show my kids how to love and care for other people, it will probably make their problems look less dramatic. There is always someone who is going through more than we are. Those are opportunities to show them that often-times God is seen most clearly in the valleys of life. Learning to cope with adversity in a God-honoring way, will help them grow into mature and capable adults.

I have prayed more in the last several years than all my preceding years put together. Because the truth is, God loves these children more than I can imagine. It is His will that they serve and glorify Him. And so, I turn them over to Him through prayer over and over again.

With the power of the Holy Spirit, I give them wings...

Psalm 77: 1-15

2011-07-25T21:43:00.000-04:00

I cry aloud to God,
aloud to God, and He will hear me.
In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
my soul refuses to be comforted.
When I remember God, I moan;
when I meditate, my spirit faints.

You hold my eyelids open;
I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
I consider the days of old, the years long ago.
I said, "Let me remember my song in the night;
let me meditate in my heart."
Then my spirit made a diligent search:
"Will the Lord spurn forever,
and never again be favorable?
Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
Are his promises at an end for all time?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?"

Then I said, "I will appeal to this,
to the years of the right hand of the Most High."

I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds.
Your way, O God, is holy.
What god is great like our God?
You are the God who works wonders;
you have made known your might among the peoples.
You with your arm redeemed your people,
the children of Jacob and Joseph.

The title of this Psalm in my Bible is "In the Day of Trouble I Seek the Lord". Where else can people go but to the Lord when there is trouble. How hopeless my life would be without Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I found great solace in the Psalms and other portions of Scripture today. I know, because of His Word, that His steadfast love and His promises last forever to those who call upon Him.

True Repentance

2011-04-28T10:26:00.000-04:00

Repent: to feel such sorrow for sin as to be disposed to turn away from it.

In Acts 26:20, Luke is recording Paul's conversion to following Christ and his subsequent call to others "that they should repent and turn to God, performing deeds in keeping with their repentance". John the Baptist uses similar words in Matthew 3:8, "Bear fruit in keeping with repentance". (also found in Luke 3:8)

What does "performing deeds in keeping with repentance" mean?

True repentance means that our lives will no longer be dominated by sin. As Christians, we will still sin, but it will not control and direct our lives. As unbelievers, we have no way to repent unless we are chosen and called by God and convicted by the Holy Spirit. As moral beings, we may be sorry for some things we've done and have regrets, but that is not repentance.

The evidence of true repentance will be godly sorrow. A false repentance may very well understand the destruction that sin can cause, but if their happiness depends on continuation of this sin, they will persist in embracing it.

True repentance understands how God views sin, how detestable sin is and how deserving of eternal death. When we view our sin in relation to God, it should cause us to weep and to hate the effects of it. For the believer, it is truly an amazing thing to know God can and does forgive sin. True repentance causes us to dwell, not on the fact that we are saved, but that we are not condemned. Humility is a key component in the truly repentant.

What does genuine repentance look like?

First, there will be a conscious choice to turn away from sin. You will know that "the old has passed away; behold the new has come". The desire to continue in sin will be gone. Not out of fear of punishment, but because you genuinely hate sin.

Second, Godly repentance will produce a change in behavior. It will lead to confession and the desire to make things right. Conviction about wrong behavior is only part of the equation. Seeking restoration and attempting to undo the wrongs that have been done are evidences of true repentance.

Third, true repentance will be evidenced in a changed person. The new person can never go back and be the old person again. Perseverance towards heaven will be assured.

What does false repentance look like?

First, they may sorrow over sin, but only because of the havoc it has caused, only because their happiness has been interrupted. They may be afraid of being found out and being disgraced. They may be sorry for that they have done because of the effects on other people. Feelings of remorse and being sorry are not repentance because those feelings are based on selfish motives.

Second, ungodly repentance leaves the will to sin and the condition of the heart unchanged. They will try to hide their past with lies and excuses, covering up with apologies and trying to smooth things over. There will be a constant attempt to cover up sin. There will not be an open-hearted, unreserved, unashamed, genuine, undisguised honesty. Worldly sorrow will be present, but not a godly sorrow.

Third, there will be an incomplete change in conduct. What has changed will only be temporary.

Back to the question, what are deeds in keeping with repentance?

I believe it is biblical conduct that shows a reformed heart, the evidence of sincerity. Just like we can tell what kind of tree it is by the fruit it produces, so true repentance is evident by Godly conduct. WE cannot say we are sorry for our sins, but do nothing to change our lives. Our life will now confirm the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit. This visible fruit of the Spirit will be seen in a life that is lived righteous and holy, a life that becomes more and more like Jesus Christ.

Genuine repentance produces change! Genuine repentance produces humility, begs forgiveness, makes up no excuses and rights wrongs. Confession, repentance and bearing fruit are the natural out-pourings of true faith in God and His Son, Jesus Christ. We cannot be transformed into His image until we get real about wanting God to change us and make us like Jesus.

Facebook Fling

2011-02-04T10:35:00.000-05:00

I am in a love/hate relationship with facebook. I love certain aspects of it, but hate others.

I love being able to stay in touch and keep up with my friends (which, by the way, is not necessarily everyone who is my "friend"), to see photos of people I love (which, by the way, is not everyone who is my "friend") and reconnecting with high school chums. Those are things I love about facebook.

I hate it that people can (and do) use it as a means of hurting other people. They post veiled comments, "innocent" innuendos as status updates and/or outright provocation. I hate the ease of being able to write the first thing that pops into my head without stopping to examine my heart for motive or realizing the consequences of what I've just said to hundreds of people. Some things can "look" so innocent, but knowing the background changes everything.

I truly wonder if I realize that James 3:5-15 refers to not only what comes out of my mouth, but what also comes out of my fingers. What I write can bless my Lord and Father and it can also curse the people who are made in His likeness. The things I say (in writing) reflect my character and thus my heart.

And so...I'm trying to figure out how to use facebook without a) hurting someone and b) getting hurt.

Thus, my minimal usage in the last couple months.

Teens in the Home

2011-01-18T15:29:00.000-05:00

I recently read a statistic that said 33% of parents say they sometimes have major disagreements with their kids. 33%? Seriously? I would have expected that number to be a lot higher. I concluded that the remaining 67% are either disconnected from their teenagers (i.e., don't care, no guidelines), or they are super-controlling, or their kids are adept at lying or hiding.

I confess...I hate verbal confrontation and will sometimes ignore things to avoid it. I know that avoidance is not the answer and is not the biblical way to parent. Conflict is a part of life and if I avoid it with my kids, I am not teaching them how to handle issues biblically. Verbal disagreements are one way of telling my kids that it's ok for them to have their own thoughts and feelings and even to express them. It can be a teaching tool for how to do that with respect and honor. And that I will love them no matter what.

There does come a time when the old "because I'm the mom, that's why" is no longer effective. If I can remember a few practical steps for having a disagreement with one of my teenagers, I can avoid some of the minefields of living with teens.

1. Establish boundaries before or after the conflict, not in the middle of it. Assure them that it's normal to feel differently than me about certain issues, but that we both have to honor & respect each other even in disagreements. They need to know that ultimately, I, as the parent, will be held accountable before God.

2. Don't take everything that comes out my kids' mouths personally. They are trying to establish their own identities. Give them some room to do that, keeping in mind the boundary of honor & respect.

3. Remain calm- no matter what! Do NOT holler back at them. *sigh* This is most definitely my biggest area of failure. Many times I've looked back at a conflict and realized the ridiculousness of verbal volleying with one of my kids. My teens really need me to be stable. They WILL try to push my buttons. It's always best if I spend more time listening than talking.

4. Be willing to compromise if the issue is negotiable, but stand my ground if it is not. Think biblical non-negotiables.

5. If the conflict is too heated, it's best to both walk away for a time.

6. Never, ever, EVER react to anything that comes out of their mouths. Sometimes they just want to test me. I'm getting quite good at non-reacting. :)

7. After the conflict, make sure my teenager knows how very much I love them.

8. Don't bring up every issue that annoys me. Stick to the subject at hand.

9. Do not use words such as, "always", "never", etc.

10. Do not ever, EVER compare kids! EVER!

One of the most powerful parenting tools I have is my relationship with my kids. I think deep down inside, my children want me to be their parent not their friend. The friend thing will come later, if I've handled the conflicts in a God-honoring way.

The part of having teens in the home that I really enjoy is being able to have adult conversations with them, to volley ideas back and forth and to discuss biblical ideas and where they are at spiritually. They are a real joy!

New Beginnings

2011-01-10T08:47:00.002-05:00

I am my own worst enemy.

I have a ton of things in my head to write about, but I don't even get started unless I have it all mapped out ahead of time. Why don't I just sit down and write? I think it has something to do with perfectionism, something about not even starting until I can finish well. I've always struggled with that, even in my daily chores. I've had to train myself to just do it even if it's only 15 minutes.

A new year excites me. It feels like a clean slate, a time of new beginnings. The last several months of last year were spent feeling defeated by the enemy. Life is just messy at times and, I felt like I was drowning in the confusion & chaos of it. Where was the victory that I, as a believer, was supposed to be living in?

A song I used to sing (in my days of 4-part harmony) keeps echoing through my memory:

Lift me up above the shadows, plant my feet on higher ground;
Lift me up above the clouds, Lord, where the pure sunshine is found.
Lift me up above my weakness, lift me up into Thy strength,
Lift me up above the shadows, till I stand with Thee at length.

Lift me up above the shadows, out of sorrow into joy;
Lift me up above my grief, Lord, give me gold for my alloy;
Then, when death must claim my spirit and the storms of life are past,
Lift me up above the shadows, till in heaven I stand at last.

That's where I want to stand...above the shadows. Life is still messy, but a sovereign God knows that. When I really realize how in control He is, and that I don't need to be, I live in sunshine even when there are shadows all around me.

Ahhhh...new beginnings...a clean heart...renewed fellowship with Jesus...strength in submission to God's authority.

(Man, I'd love to sing that song again in harmony with soprano, tenor & bass!!)

Away

2010-09-24T15:43:00.002-04:00

While Momma's away....the mice do play!!!

I have one pretty amazing daughter wouldn't you say!!

The Child-Centered Home

2010-08-25T08:58:00.002-04:00

A child-centered home is one in which the interests and activities of the child/children are at the center of where the adult members revolve. The adults in the family submit their schedules, activities and conversations to that of the child.

It is extremely important for children to learn at a very young age (probably younger than we even realize) that they are a part of something much bigger and greater than themselves. Children learn very quickly how much influence they have.

The most basic, God-ordained relationship is not the parent/child, but instead the husband/wife relationship. In our world today, that is often not the case. Parents seem to be living FOR their children. Everything- schedules, conversations, activities, goals, interests- has been about the kids. They face the empty nest years with panic because the foundation of their relationship has revolved around the children; they suddenly realize that all they have is their meaningless husband/wife relationship. So many couples are bewildered, after being married 7-10 years, at the lack of love they “feel”. They wake up and realize their lives have completely revolved around the kids, that the children are dictating the schedule, including how much time the parents spend together as a couple. They have become so child-centered that they don't have time for each other. The marriage will suffer and maybe even end because of it.

What are some possible signs of a child-centered home? Notice the word 'possible'. Not all of these things are bad, but when they are out-of-balance, they are fairly good indicators.
~Allowing kids to interrupt adult conversation
~Hovering over your kids-they will hurt themselves and break things; give them some space.
~Refusing to leave kids with sitters or if you do, micro-managing the sitter
~Permitting children to manipulate to get their own way
~Making excuses for disobedient behavior
~Letting them dictate meal times and bedtime. To a degree, kids' physical needs are different than an adults, but your whole world need not grind to a halt for the sake of a few minutes. They probably won't die if they must wait to eat or go to bed.
~Allowing child's schedule to dictate the entire family's schedule. Be very cautious of activities that consistently keep your family from Sunday worship.
~Refusing to let them cry
~Becoming your child's friend instead of authority figure

Your child will become very adept at making you feel guilty for not keeping him/her the center of attention. Very young children will cry when you walk away from them. Older kids will whine and complain about what they don't get to do. I've never yet seen a child die from crying. It's okay to push aside your feelings of guilt; your children will survive and be better for it. John Rosemond once wrote, "Some parents act as if they took a wedding vow that says, 'I take thee to be my husband/wife, until children do us part.'" Sad, but so often true. Your child has joined your home for a few brief years, but your marriage will be there long after they're gone, IF you've given it priority.

A marriage-centered home (with Christ at the very core) is crucial in those years when there are many little feet running around. What we don't realize is that the very thing we want our children to have-a secure home environment-will happen only when they realize they live with a mom and dad who love each other. This knowledge will produce the stability your kids are looking for. Children need to see parents who know how to live and love together.

It is so easy to become parents and put our marriages on the back burner. It is crucial for our children to take their proper place in the home. (Our children are very used to the phrase, “Dad's the king; Mom's the queen; deal with it”). That happens when we are intentional about our marriages. It is important to connect daily. Even 15 minutes of “Mom & Dad time” when he gets home from work is vital to this connection. Dating regularly is critical to a growing relationship. Why do we date before marriage and quit after the wedding? It doesn't have to be some big thing; coffee or ice cream & a walk is wonderful. Do fun things together, whatever that might be for you. Be affectionate to each other with physical touch. Your kids might act grossed out and tell you to “get a room”, but down inside they feel secure at knowing they have parents who love each other. Be interested in what interests your spouse. Not because you necessarily are, but because you love him.

We should be training our children to leave the home and when that time comes, we should be looking forward to it. If we consider our marriages to be the most basic, God-ordained relationship, we will be okay with an empty nest. (Personally, I'm very excited about that prospect). :)

Slacker

2010-08-08T23:15:00.001-04:00

It is time to blog again!! I will...I promise.

The Power of the Cross

2010-04-02T09:00:00.002-04:00

I cannot get the words of this Keith & Kristyn Getty hymn out of my mind this morning, nor do I want to.

Verse 1: Oh, to see the dawn of the darkest day;
Christ on the road to Calvary.
Tried by sinful men, torn and beaten, then
Nailed to a cross of wood.

Verse 2: Oh, to see the pain written on your face,
Bearing the awesome weight of sin.
Every bitter thought, every evil deed
Crowning Your blood-stained brow.

Verse 3: Now the daylight flees; now the ground beneath
Quakes as its Maker bows His head.
Curtain torn in two, dead are raised to life;
"Finished!", the victory cry.

Chorus: This, the power of the cross:
Christ became sin for us;
Took the blame, bore the wrath,
We stand forgiven at the cross.

Verse 4: Oh, to see my name written in the wounds,
For through Your suffering I am free.
Death is crushed to death; life is mine to live,
Won through Your selfless love.

Chorus: This, the power of the cross:
Son of God, slain for us.
What a love! What a cost!
We stand forgiven at the cross.

Jesus was delivered to His tormentors to be scourged. Our human, finite minds cannot grasp the awfulness of what that was. The Roman scourge was an instrument of torture. It was made out of the sinew of oxen and intertwined with bits of bone; every time that lash came down on the back of our Lord these bones inflicted deep lacerations and tore the flesh off. No doubt Jesus was tied to a column of some sort for this beating. This picture of my Savior leaves me horrified and weeping over His body. As a believer, can I truly grasp such agonizing love? As a believer, I can claim the verse in Isaiah 53, "With His stripes we are healed"! What hope and love wells up in me!

I go to commune with Him tonight knowing and sorrowing that my sin cost Him so dearly- and yet! rejoicing in my deliverance and knowing I am complete in Him. Because He was numbered among the transgressors and because I am truly saved, I am numbered among the believers in Christ.

Where are you in regards to the cross? Are you content to follow from behind, curious but not committed? Are you ok with contemplating Christ but never communing with Him? Have your sins kept you separated from Him? Is your heart at rest? Can you live contentedly without the present enjoyment in the Savior? Do you sorrow over the hardness of your heart? If yes, then Go To The Cross! It is only there that you will find answers. No matter how hard, how insensitive, how dead you have become, you can be made clean in the fountain that flows with His shed blood. By His stripes, you are healed and by His power over death you are made alive!

Hosea 10: 12- "...For it is time to seek the Lord..."

It's Friday, but Sunday is coming!

A Most Important Question

2010-02-24T09:11:00.002-05:00

What must I do to be saved?

That question was asked by the 1st century jailer of Paul & Silas and it still remains for us to ask today. We are troubled by our failures and our consciences bother us; we wonder what can rescue us from our fallen condition.

Their answer to the jailer was quite simple: "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved".

What does that mean to us today? We must turn away from our race towards hell & destruction and turn TO God in Christ. Turning from our life of selfishness is to repent of the sins that have kept us from belief; turning to God in Christ is trusting in Christ as an actual person who completed His God-sent mission of an awful, violent death on the cross to release the penalty of sin.

We are the prodigal son/daughter who realizes that we can't do this thing called life on our own and we turn back and run to the Father's open arms. We cannot continue to run to God and run to sin at the same time.

Does that mean we will never sin again? Absolutely not! But it will be against our better judgment and deepest longings. Sin will no longer dominate us. As a child of God, we will be obedient to repentance and will put our complete faith and trust in Him and His Word.

How do we know if we are thus saved? Faith is a gift that God gives us; we can't grow our own faith, but we can grow in godliness. The evidence of our salvation will be lived out in us through the filling of the Holy Spirit. A continual examination of our hearts will be needed to see if we are growing or not. Disciplining ourselves to studying God's word is necessary so that we can rightly discern the condition of our hearts. Are our lives filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & discipline? Or are they characterized by immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, strife, jealousy, anger, etc?

Salvation is past, present and future. We have been saved from the punishment of our sins; we are being saved from the power of sin and we will be saved when we are with Christ bowing at the feet of our heavenly Father.

What must YOU do to be saved?

A Mom's Heart

2010-02-04T17:15:00.013-05:00

How does a mom blog about some of the most momentous occasions in her life? I don't know how many times I've had a new blog window open, only to sit and stare at an empty white box; the words just wouldn't come. Last year held more changes than any year I can remember so far.

Last April 1, Adam & Heidi announced their engagement with an August 1 wedding date. Yikes! Four months to prepare. We did it and it was gorgeous, exciting, fulfilling and fun.

Words are a feeble attempt to describe my heart...my mom heart. It's hard to comprehend my first-born son being a husband.

My prayer is that as he faces the challenges that are sure to come, he will frequently fall on his knees before an Almighty, Holy God petitioning for the Spirit to give him the capacity to love his wife as Christ loves the church.

I love Heidi with the love a mom has for a daughter.

I pray that whatever circumstances she is faced with that God, through the work of the Spirit, will help her to reverence, with an awe-filled respect, the man He has given to her.

It was with great joy that Jerald & I were able to pronounce a parental blessing on their union.

Also on April 1, Colin had an accident at work that put a bolt through his hand.

Talk about jolting a heart to get that call. It just hurts to know my kids are in that much pain...hurts my mom heart. Praise God he's doing well, although the scar is very visible and he hasn't gotten complete mobility back.

In September, Nicole started school at Azusa Pacific University in the northeast corner of Los Angeles.

We are extremely excited for this opportunity Nicole has to spread her wings and see what God has in store for her.

We decided to take the family and drive with her to California.
It was a very pleasurable 2 1/2 day drive. We were able to see God's awesome and diverse creation.

The first weekend we helped her get settled in

and spent orientation with her.

We got to meet her 3 roomies; how comforting and reassuring to my heart...my mom heart to see her ready to tackle whatever God has in store.

After leaving Nicole there, we headed to the condo on the beach that we had rented for a week.

What a joy it was to my heart...my mom heart to see the family have such a great time together.

On top of an extremely full year, I now get to look forward to more changes. This May, we are looking forward to welcoming our new granddaughter into the family. My heart will soon become...my "nana" heart.
And THAT will be a blog all of its own.

The Superior Wife Syndrome

2009-12-01T12:36:00.000-05:00

I recently read a book excerpt in Reader's Digest with the title, The Superior Wife Syndrome; the sub-title was: Why Women Do Everything So Well and Why-For the Sake of Our Marriages-We've Got to Stop.
THAT definitely piqued my interest.
The excerpt said:
"After being married for a while, and especially after having children, a large number of husbands deliberately surrender family concerns and responsibilities and begin to expect their wives to take charge. And in many marriages, that assignment eventually includes nearly everything. It's as if husbands raise the art of oblivion to new heights; they can fiddle, while wives burn through most of the tasks of adult life. Some wives claim that they have taken control of family life because 'it seems like I have no choice, it's just a natural occurrence', as a 42-year-old woman puts it. Others confess to being impressed that their husbands are able to function in the world at all...'I'm amazed he's still alive', says one wife."

Do you think husbands are deliberately surrendering control of the family? or
Do you think wives are taking that control by default because the husband is in la-la land?
Do you think wives are taking control because they feel they can do a better job?
Do husbands let go of leadership because they are too lazy to deal with it?
Are husbands truly oblivious to what needs done?
Is it unsubmissive for a wife to ask her husband to help?
What is the solution to a marriage with leadership issues?

Blank

2009-10-11T21:32:00.002-04:00

I don't know how many times I've opened a new post tab only to sit staring blankly at the white box. It's not because nothing (double negative there) interesting has happened in my life in the last 4 months. There's plenty of thoughts here, but the idea of trying to organize it all and get it into something comprehensible leaves me completely overwhelmed. So, I'm still here and maybe one of these days I can get it all figured out.

In the meantime, I am of all people most blessed. The things that God has revealed to me about His love, grace and mercy in the last few months are unfathomable.

Memory Lane

2009-06-19T13:34:00.036-04:00

My mom's birthday is June 1 and every year it is a challenge to come up with a gift. She doesn't need any more "stuff" inside or out. This year, my sister came up with a brilliant idea. We would all (mom & her kids) spend the weekend walking down memory lane with our mom. Gail, my sister, hosted us since she still lives in the area where we were raised. Some of us arrived Friday evening; others came Saturday morning and still others Sunday morning.

Saturday morning, Jerald led devotions about Godly fathers and fathering, which included several memories of my dad. It was a great way to start our weekend of reminiscing.
After breakfast, we all piled into a 12-passenger van that we had rented.

Our first stop was the elementary school that all 6 of us attended. After stepping into the hallway, my first-born sister commented that she believed she had stood outside every single one of those doors as punishment for some misdeed. We had fun remembering our grade school teachers, which ones we liked and which ones were mean. Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures there.

Our next stop was the farmhouse that we moved to when I was 3.

On the outside it looks very much like it did when I moved out 28 years ago.

I lived there until I got married at 18. Our dad held down a day job and farmed the 70 acres in the evening with us kids helping out during the day. My farming career of driving the tractor came to an abrupt halt when I failed to go around a gully and drove INTO it. Needless to say, my dad wasn't exactly a happy camper when he got home and found the tractor there.
I remember a happy childhood of playing in the barn, making tunnels with hay bales, teasing my li'l sis, riding bike up and down the lane; but, we also worked. We mowed with a push mower, hoed corn out of the beans, did chores, cleaned, gardened, etc.
I tried to show my mom how big I remember the gardens (yes, with an 's') being, but she assured me that it wasn't quite the way I had it pictured.

This is five of us kids with mom; my oldest brother wasn't able to go until Sunday.

The cellar door- the icky, old, spooky cellar; half of it was cement flooring and the other half dirt.

The back of the house-

The shed where we parked our car (yes, without an 's') before dad built the garage on the house.

The spot where my oldest sister and her husband were married almost 35 years ago.

The amiable and very patient in-laws-

After the farm, we went to the house that my dad built- the place I was born and lived for about 3 years. My memories are a little sketchy, but pieces of it are very clear. Weird how a person can remember some things and not others. I lived here when the Palm Sunday tornadoes went through.

Our next-door neighbors were very close friends and cousins, so even after we moved a couple miles away, we came back and spent many, many hours playing in these woods.

The kitchen looks about the same.

The couple who live there now (the daughter of my dad's boss) so graciously opened their home and hearts to us. They added this awesome sun room that looks out over the woods. Tranquility...

Our next stop was the church that I attended with my family before getting married and the cemetery next door where my dad was buried 21 years ago.

Don't even ask how we got inside...

The four of us

My sister, Gail, and her husband. Thanks to all her planning and hospitality, we got to experience a wonderful weekend.

On December 22, 1987, my dad was killed in an accident on his way home from work. I still miss him, acutely at times; but I am so thankful for the heritage he left. I do not remember him saying an unkind word about anybody, even though he would have had plenty of opportunity. He was strict, but loving, fun and funny. I hate it that my own kids will never get to experience his teasing and humor. I often wonder what he would have to say about all this gb turmoil; I think I know because of the character he had.

The same pump (probably the same cup) I used as an excuse to skip church and be outside.

From the church, we drove around on familiar roads, talking, remembering, laughing and ending up back at my sister's just in time for dinner. Her son and his wife fixed, served and cleaned up dinner for us.

My youngest sister had to go home Saturday night and my brother and his wife joined us on Sunday. After a relaxing morning of conversation and coffee and another yummy meal, we went to the farm where my mom lived from 1st grade to marriage at 16.

The people who live there now

My mom used to walk to this little two-room school. It had a wall right down the middle with the classroom on one side and the gym on the other.

It was an amazing and fun weekend together. Mom decided that it was one of the best birthday gifts she had ever received. And now, waiting for next year...

Spring Cleaning

2009-06-02T08:50:00.002-04:00

Now that summer is right around the corner, I will blog about the thoughts that have been rumbling through my brain for the last two months.

There are two things I clearly remember from my childhood: spring cleaning and fall cleaning. I was raised in an era when in order to be a successful housewife one must completely purge the home twice a year. I have to admit that, as a child, I hated those times of completely emptying the rooms, taking down all the drapes, clearing off all the shelves and washing everything- and I mean everything! My absolute least favorite job was washing down the walls and ceiling. I remember liking the end product- the smell of clean, the organization, the freshness- but not the journey it took to get there.

Recently, (a couple months ago now), I was going through this spring cleaning process in our closet and I got to thinking about my spiritual closet- my heart. I don't enjoy the process of cleaning out my heart, but the end result of sweet communion with my Jesus is indescribable. This process is much like cleaning out my own closet- examination of what's in there, pulling out the ugly, the unusable, decluttering, sweeping out the dust, dirt and cobwebs and allowing only beautiful things inside.

God wants to lovingly lead me to focus on the several bad habits that have piled up, the cobwebs of sin and rebellion that have been woven, the dust of unconfessed hurt and anger. These things have wintered in my heart and it's time to do some spring cleaning. When I allow the Spirit to convict and let God lead me in confession and repentance, I feel like my newly cleaned and organized closet. Getting rid of my unwanted habits and sin will leave me with a peaceful and joy-filled heart. I no longer have to search through the dirt of depravity, looking around the dust and stench of decay. I now enjoy the fresh scent of pleasing God in all I say, do, think and feel.

With summer on the way, now seems like a good time to meditate on one specific area in this quest of purging the heart. My church has given me a wonderful starting point to the topic on my mind. What a blessing it is to fellowship with a body of believers who think the heart is what matters. The following excerpt was in several of the recent bulletins:

"SUMMER PROVIDES OPPORTUNITY TO SERVE--Ladies, are you aware you can serve your brothers in Christ simply by the way you dress during summer months? We encourage you to consider this at all times, but especially as we gather together to worship. What a gift to men if they do not have to fight the battle of the eyes and mind when they gather with their sisters in Christ! We praise God for your desire to see Jesus magnified!"

Why do we even need to be reminded of this? Do we truly not understand that when we cannot even bend over without exposing a part of ourselves, we make the struggle ten thousand times worse for our brothers in Christ? Or when we show enough to distract the mind from glorifying Christ to lusting, we are the cause of sin in another believer? What goes through our minds when we stand in front of a mirror and analyze our clothing choices? Why are we Christian ladies reminded of this over and over and over and we still expose ourselves? I do not believe we can claim ignorance any longer. We have been taught enough; I am now without excuse and so are you. Maybe we should come at this from the negative aspect: what is immodesty?

Immodesty- indecent, shameless, vain, not properly restrained, boastful, arrogant.

Our source of rebellion in this area is not from the culture around us or the standards of the world. (It's easy to look around and think that at least we dress more modestly than "they" do- that is still rebellion).

The source of our rebellion lies deep within the hearts of each one of us.

If your heart is lacking peace and joy, perhaps it's time to do a little spring cleaning.

Please Pray with Me

2009-05-16T22:30:00.002-04:00

for the husband/father who lost his wife and 2 children in a house fire late last night.

We've known this family all our lives. They are from Flora,Indiana, (where Jerald was from).

Brian & Leah Wagoner had a son, Harrison (almost 8) and a daughter, Sophia (4). Brian's dad was our dentist for many years and I worked with Leah's mother for several years.

Indiana had a very severe electrical storm last night which they believe struck the house and started a fire. Leah and both children died in the fire. Brian's hands were burned, but not too bad. They are strong Christians, but how...how is Brian supposed to go on? I guess I'm showing how weak my faith really is, but why? I know in my head that God is sovereign and good, but my heart still can't understand why God wants it to be this way. I hurt so much for the grandparents/parents, Brian, their friends...

And so, even though you don't know this family, would you still remember to pray for them? please?

Mother's Day Weekend

2009-05-11T10:22:00.003-04:00

Every year my kids get me something for Mother's Day even though I insist that they shouldn't. This year it was a beautiful diamond bracelet which I love, but I really mean it when I say it is enough to have 5 beautiful children who love Jesus and have submitted their hearts to His leadership. For a mother to know that her children are walking with the Lord is gift enough.

We had a fun and busy weekend with my family. As a Christmas gift, my mom pays for the whole family (I think there were 40+ this year) to go to a state park in Indiana for the weekend. The last two years we have went to Pokagon and stayed in the inn. It's a fun time for the kids to be together and the adults to catch up.

On Sunday, we helped some friends set up for their daughter's wedding. It was a beautiful wedding, full of God's goodness and love. The couple had saved their first kiss for this special day. I love weddings that glorify Christ; they always make me want to go home and pay more attention to the vows I made on my wedding day.

A Happy belated Mother's Day wish to all you moms!

Frustration

2009-05-07T08:59:00.002-04:00

There are thoughts running around in my head that are driving me crazy, but I can't seem to be able to sit down, corral them together and write something that would make sense. It's making me a bit frustrated, but I'm thinking that maybe God knows my heart does not have the right attitude about one aspect of my thoughts. And so, I will wait and pray and renew my mind. God may give me permission and then again, He may not.

Never Mind, Lord

2009-04-30T09:58:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I wonder if I'm like the man who was driving down the street in a panic because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking space. Looking up to heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking space, I promise to go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up swearing."
Miraculously, a spot opened right in front of the building.
The man looked up and said, "Never mind. I found one."

I pray and seek the face of God; He faithfully answers and I act like it was my own doing.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding". Prov. 3:5

Plans

2009-04-07T08:14:00.003-04:00

"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart."- Jer. 29:11-13

"I know the plans that I have for you" versus "I know the plans that I have scheduled in my planner". Last week taught me that there is a vast difference between the two. The best of planning on my part may not always line up with the best God has for me.

My schedule for last week:
~Monday- skating lessons for Brooke from 2:30-4:45
~Tuesday- skating at 2:15
~Wednesday- Mom's group & errands
~Thursday- Women's study, grocery & errands
~Friday- prepare meal for ADDICT ministries

God's schedule for last week:
~Monday- skating 2:30-4:00
~Tuesday- no skating
~Wednesday- Mom's group and emergency room
~Thursday- Emergency room and surgery
~Friday- home & emotionally spent

Monday, Brooke was skating when she fell on the ice and broke her chin open. We decided to try a butterfly bandage rather than stitches. It turned out to be the right decision, although I am the most deficient in the medical aspect of mothering. I hate, hate, hate the idea that my kids might be in pain. I couldn't even watch when they would get their immunizations. Anyway, that pretty much ended skating for that day and it canceled skating for the next day. Her heart was broken because that was the last skating opportunity until June. (They take the ice off for soccer.)

Wednesday morning I went to Mom's group and was almost home when I got a phone call that Colin hurt his hand at work and they were taking him by squad to the hospital. I drove to the farm and got there in time to ride in the ambulance with him to Upper Valley. He was changing a tire on a trailer when the jack slipped out. The trailer fell on his right hand causing the u-bolt that secures the axle to go completely through his hand about 3/4" below the knuckle on the index finger. He yelled for help while jacking the trailer up with his left hand. (He's my hero!)

After taking xrays, Upper Valley wanted him to go to the Hand & Orthopedic Center at Southview Hospital, so they took him by transport to the ER there. I did very well staying with him the whole time until they needed to numb his hand to cleanse and sanitize the hole where the bolt went through. Jerald got to hold his hand for that one.

The xray showed his knuckle in 4-5 pieces and tendon damage to his index finger. After a MOST miserable night in the ER (the hospital had NO available rooms), they took him for surgery Thursday at noon and he had surgery at 3:00p. The surgeon came out at 4:30 and said they were able to use pins and put the knuckle back together. Here's the miraculous part: all the doctors and the surgeon who looked at the xray said he had tendon damage and if they couldn't repair it, they would have to take a tendon from his wrist and graft it in. After the surgery, the surgeon told us there was no tendon damage. Do I believe in the power of prayer? Absolutely!!

We were back home by 5p Thursday night. Friday, I was emotionally and physically exhausted! We were able to keep the pain controlled with Percocet. Now we are looking at about 6 weeks of occupational therapy twice a week. Yesterday was his first appointment. They removed the surgical dressing, cleaned the hand really well and created a less burdensome splint.

Colin has been the best patient a mom could ask for. He's very undemanding, very patient with me, extremely grateful for everything and anything I do. I have actually enjoyed serving him in this way.

My mom (bless her) fixed my food for the Friday night meal.

Right in the middle of all this, Adam & Heidi got engaged and will be getting married August 1st.

AND, we are taking Nicole to CA in 2 weeks to visit Azusa Pacific University in LA.

This week, as I created my schedule, I did so with a little less boldness and more prayer. I do not know what my life will be like tomorrow. If the LORD wills, I will live and also do this or that. (James 4:14 & 15) I'm trying to appreciate today and the blessings it holds.

I'm reminded every day of Proverbs 19:21- "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but the counsel of the LORD, it will stand".

Family Life

2009-03-18T09:10:00.010-04:00

After many months of a "normal" schedule, we've had to rewrite what normal is. The new normal consists of Jerald traveling...a LOT. The LORD has taught me many things about flexibility through experience. I used to get very anxious when my well-thought-out schedule had to be rearranged. It hardly fazes me any more. :)

A month ago Jerald was in Mexico for a few days. That was a little unnerving with the restlessness of the drug cartel. He was quite glad to arrive safely at home. The week after that he was in Las Vegas for 4 days. He's been there several times before and still can't find the fascination that others have for that city. Get this- he had a lady walk up to him as he was going to meet some other guys and ask him if he was alone. The nerve! I asked him if he told her, "No, I carry my wife in my heart everywhere I go." The next week he was in Pennsylvania for a couple days and then he was actually home for a week. Today he is going to Chicago until tomorrow night and next week is California.

For those who always asks just what exactly Jerald does, here's a brief description: He is an electrical engineer for a company (Trimble) in Huber Heights that designs and manufactures GPS and lasers for excavators, pavers, and agricultural use. Jerald is the System Technical Manager for a joint venture with Caterpillar & Trimble. His job is to make sure that the components and the machines are connected properly along with being responsible for making sure that all aspects (like user interface, operation, etc.) are consistent. If you want any more details, you will have to talk to him. :) Needless to say, I think he is one of the smartest people I know!

I was recently asked how I handle him being gone so much. I must say it is definitely easier with the children being older, but I give all the credit to God. I believe that when I support and encourage my husband in the talents God has given him, God will pour out His grace on our family and help us in an extra way when Jerald is gone. My husband loves, loves, loves his job and I am so very grateful for that. I want to be his help mate in this area by blessing him in his work.

On to other family news...the week Jerald was home we took a quick trip to Florida with Nicole to visit Warner University in Lake Wales. We left on Wednesday and got home on Sunday. We did get to spend a few hours on the beach.

The college was a bust, but the trip was not. We enjoyed getting to spend time with just Nicole. She did say, though, that it would be very lonely to be an only child.

We are getting excited to see the end of some of the school books. We hope to be wrapped up no later than the end of May. Sometimes I feel it would be so nice to continue through the summer in a couple subjects, but when it gets right down to it, I really enjoy my summer break. (And the kids do, too.)

Lately, I've been doing some sewing for a friend who doesn't sew...things like making a dress for serving in a wedding, making a bridesmaid dress from a size 22 to a size 14 and making 2 pairs of pants into skirts. I'm going to do a little on her bridesmaids dresses for her wedding coming up in May along with making corn salsa for the reception.

Brooke is home again after being in Indiana for 2 weeks. Boy, I miss her when she's gone. Especially when she does things like cook dinner while I sew. Last night she made chicken and vegetable potpie and bread. Wow!

Laina likes to get her school work done so she can get outside as quickly as possible on these nice days. She loves spending time with her cats.

That's a little peak into our lives.

Reminiscence

2009-02-25T14:20:00.002-05:00

Jerald left for Vegas Sunday afternoon, so I took Brooke & Laina and went to Goshen, Indiana, to see my older sister and stay with her for a couple days. Brooke is staying out there with my nephew and his wife for 2-3 weeks to help them out; they just had baby #3 with the oldest being 3.

I was born and raised west of Goshen. I went to a country school for my elementary years, a junior high school in Wakarusa and high school in Napanee. I got married a month after graduation and moved close to Lafayette, Indiana, before moving to Ohio 20 years ago. After my mom moved away from the Goshen area (a couple years after my dad was killed in an auto accident 21 years ago), I have not revisited my old haunts. We've been to see my sister, but haven't done any sight-seeing.

I emailed a couple of school friends that I have sporadically kept in touch with to let them know I would have some time to get together. Monday, I met 4 of my past friends for lunch, 2 of whom I have not seen since graduation, almost 28 years ago. It was so fun! We are all at the same stage in life and spent a LOT of time talking about our kids! The awesome part is that they are all Christians who love Jesus and we had so much to talk about.

On Tuesday, my sister and I went driving around. We drove back the lane of the farmhouse that I grew up in. It looks exactly the same. I have many wonderful memories there with my mom & dad, 2 brothers and 3 sisters. We went past my elementary school, old family homes and where friends used to live. The highlight was stopping at the cemetery where my dad is buried. I haven't been back there for many, many years. Even though I know my dad is not there, I enjoyed reflecting on who he was and his influence on my life. I still miss him and long for an opportunity to talk things over with him. He was full of life in every way. I regret the most that my kids will never know him. He LOVED kids and was always teasing and playing with them. In the 24 years I knew him, I NEVER heard him talk about another person in a negative way; and believe me, he had opportunity.

I thoroughly enjoyed my time with my sister and her husband and catching up with friends.

Love & Respect 4

2009-02-17T13:56:00.002-05:00

By now everyone is probably sighing at my blogs. ;) Aha...caughtcha!

Last night was a little different than the evenings before. It was more of a recap with lots of practical suggestions for the husband on showing love and the wife respect.

~ I have a choice whether I want to obey God's Word or not.
~ Eph. 5:33 is without options and is not neutral.
~ Respecting my husband works because God said so.
~ Respecting is a command.
~ Focus on what I can do, not on what he can do.
~ Get my mind off of myself and onto my husband.
~ My fear and love of God is my motivation.
~ How do I want my kids to treat their future spouses? They watch us closely!
~ Do I forgive my husband when he asks or do I harbor bitterness and keep a history?
~ Speak only honorably about my husband.
~ NEVER make fun, criticize or speak down to my husband!
~ Am I living in such a way with my husband today that will make him want to be with me in 50 years? (I have a story about my grandparents on this point)
~ Marriage is not about ME!
~ We Christian women have bought into the feminist theology more than we know.
~ My husband will not generally tell me what he needs from me.
~ God created my husband differently, not wrong.
~ I am responsible for my attitudes and actions.
~ Thank him for his work.
~ Share with and in his successes, whatever they are.
~ Be my husband's biggest cheerleader.
~ Do NOT pop his dream bubbles! Let him dream and be able to share with me!
~ God created my husband to DIE for me! Do I really get that?
~ Praise his provision whether it be great or small.
~ Praise his good decisions; minimize his not-so-good decisions.
~ NEVER undermine his authority in front of the children; discuss concerns in private.
~ Male bashing is huge in today's society- in the church and out of it. I need to see this as the sin it is and refuse to participate.
~ Negativity crushes the spirit.
~ Life is too short to not live it pleasing to God.
~ Jesus wants to know how I am going to change to be more like Him.
~ Encourage my husband in the times he wants to be alone.
~ Initiate and respond positively more often sexually.
~ Make it easy for my husband to have eyes only for me.
~ It honors my husband when I make an effort to improve my appearance before he gets home from work.
~ Let him be able to acknowledge his sexual temptations without making him feel shame.
~ Denying my husband sexually is a sin.

The best part of the evening for me was when the couple who organized this series shared their testimonies. They were transparent and honest and it is absolutely awesome to see the wonderful love and respect they have for each other today! Let me tell you that it does NOT come naturally; it is a LOT of hard work, but oh so worth it! It's interesting to me that we share the exact anniversary date as theirs- June 20, 1981- and our testimony would be very similar; this couple is a great encouragement to us. Thank you, Rich & Linda; we love you!

Love & Respect 3

2009-02-10T09:36:00.002-05:00

The opening comments during devotions were very appropriate. "It's not what you do, it's why you do it." Our focus must continually be on Jesus Christ. He is what makes it all possible and what keeps us going. We stay motivated when our deepest needs are met and it is only our personal relationship with Jesus that meets those needs. We cannot depend on our marriage relationship or our spouse to satisfy our innermost needs. It's not fair to them to expect that from them.

There are two sides to the love & respect equation. If we want love from our husbands than we must give them the respect God calls us to. Some things to keep in mind as we think about our husbands and showing respect to them:
~ It's easy to pass judgment on someone who is vulnerable where we feel strong.
~ It's not what we are saying, it's how we are saying it.
~ Do not attack character; do not say, "You don't love me". Instead say, "That sounded unloving".
~ We need to respect our husbands apart from their performance. Guard against despising their spirits. Separate spirit from flesh.
~ Speak with discipline and prudence.
~ We cannot become wrapped up in our own needs so that we miss the spirit of the other person.
~ PMS- pre-murderous syndrome- is NEVER an excuse for disrespectful behavior!

We can react in one of two ways to feeling unloved: be even more disrespectful or check to see where we might be mistaken. To women, the issue of respect is marginal; we don't "get it". How do you spell respect for a man? C-H-A-I-R-S: a seat of office or authority, a position of authority.

C= conquest; appreciating his desire to work & achieve. What is the first thing men will ask each other when meeting for the first time? "What do you do?" It's their identity. God has designed men to be out "in the field". He finds his satisfaction there. Understand how important his work is to him. If we imply, even unknowingly, that our husband's work is not that important, we have just called him a loser. That calling is not an option; it is his responsibility. How often do we verbally express to our husbands our respect for the work they do and the achievements they attain? They need to hear it from us!
Practical application- listen to his work stories as closely as you expect him to listen to your accounts of what happens in the family.

H= hierarchy; appreciating his desire to provide for & protect us. Again, it is God's design for our husbands to be the head in the marriage. He does not just have the right to, but the responsibility to. Why are we wives so hesitant to place ourselves under that umbrella of protection? How many times have we actually told our husbands how much we appreciate and respect their leadership? How feminist are we really? It shows by our attitude and actions. We think our men should be big enough and tough enough to take whatever disrespect we dish out to them. NOT SO!!
Practical application- Never, in word or attitude, put down his job or how much he makes.

A= authority; appreciating their desire to serve and to lead. How many times do we assure our husbands that they have the responsibility to lead, but we hold on to the authority. Vetoing our husband's decisions is saying that we don't trust his ability and that we are in control. Men will resist when they feel we have control. A marriage with two people acting as head will struggle. This wanting to control on the wife's part will often lead our husbands to passive irresponsibility.
Practical application- you praise his good decisions and are gracious if he makes a bad one. Always, always honor his authority in front of the children.

I= insight; appreciating his desire to analyze and counsel. Men are solution-oriented. How many of us women believe we possess an exclusive and unique power of intuition that is always right? Remember this: Eve was deceived; Adam disobeyed. We do not need to be ready with all the answers. Women today are deceiving themselves in their criticism of their husbands for lack of spiritual leadership; we have developed an attitude of self-righteousness; we see ourselves as more righteous and knowledgeable than our husbands. They cannot open up to us if we are judgmental towards their character. We women have analyzed our sin issues and turned them into psychological disorders. We judge our husbands for thinking they have dark sin issues and have dismissed our very own. Ask ourselves if we are a better person because God made us one way and our husbands another.
Practical application- you admit that you can sin and thank him for his perception and godly counsel.

R= relationship; appreciating his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship. Our men need companionship. They have a need for us to be with them, to quietly be with them; they don't need us talking all the time. If we are not seeing a desire for our husbands to spend time with us, we might need to evaluate why. We think we have to have a relationship on our terms. Our husbands need time to open up to us. They struggle with expressing themselves and have difficulty describing their feelings. Give them time!
Practical application- you enable him to open up and talk to you as you do things shoulder-to-shoulder without you doing all the talking.

S= (guess) sexuality; appreciating his desire for sexual intimacy. Just in case you didn't know this, men are visually oriented. His sexuality is much different than yours. Our husband's sexual release is the same as our need for emotional release. Why do we women think our feelings are the voice of God? Sexual intimacy is NOT based on what we may or may not feel! It's really not about the sex for our husbands; it's about honor. The way to get to our husband's spirit is to touch his body authentically. When we deny our husbands, we are in a lose-lose standoff. Here's the rule: you can't get what you need by depriving your husband of what he needs.
Practical application: you respond to him sexually more often and initiate sex periodically.

I recently heard it said that it should really be spelled S-C-H-A-I-R, but that's not really a word, so...(even though, after living with my husband for 27 years, I would agree :) )

Our husbands will shut down when they must unconditionally love their wives and earn our respect. That makes them responsible for both love and respect in the relationship.

The key to marriage is not communication; it is marital understanding of one another's differences.

~ Prov. 12:4- An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness to his bones.

~ Prov. 14:1- The wisest of women builds her house, but folly, with her own hands, tears it down.

~ Prov. 17:1- Better is a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife.

~ Prov. 19:13 & 14- ...a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain...but a prudent wife is from the LORD.

~ Prov. 21:9 & 19- It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife...it is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.

~ Prov. 25: 24- It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

~ Prov. 27: 15 & 16- A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one's right hand.

~ Prov. 31- An excellent wife who can find...the heart of her husband trusts in her...she does him good and not harm all the days of her life...her husband praises her.

We know what we need to do to improve our marriage. The question than is, Why aren't we doing it?

Love & Respect 2

2009-02-05T09:11:00.002-05:00

The first thing I want to do is to qualify all this Love & Respect stuff. If Jesus Christ is not THE focus of your marriage, all the love & respect in the world will not do a hootin' bit of good. If your goal is not to glorify Him, but to glorify marriage, I suggest you rethink. Our marriages are THE greatest witness to the world of the relationship between Christ and His Church. Love and respect, with no conditions attached, are the very character of God. Our relationship with our spouse should be a message of what Jesus Christ did for us on the cross, a testimony of the Gospel.

With that being said, the things that Christ would have us do in our marriages are things that do not come naturally. God commanded men to love knowing it would not be a natural inclination and He commanded women to respect knowing it would go against self.

Women need connection; two people connected together, thus the word "couple". This is what spells love to most women:

C= closeness; face-to-face involvement, intimacy without always ending in sex

O= openness; expressive, not shutting down, sharing dreams & fears, ideas, eye contact

U= understanding; just listen, not fixing, identifying with feelings, not dismissing feelings

P= peacemaking; conflicts WILL happen, resolving brings peace, never nurse bitterness

L= loyalty; complete commitment, not looking at other women, does what he says he'll do, for better or worse

E= esteem; honor & cherish, encouragement, teach children to respect, feel like his princess

If we women are not feeling loved, we will confront our husbands in order to connect with them. If done the wrong way, he will feel disrespected. Differing with each other is to be expected, but resolving our conflicts must be within the parameters of God's Word. If men feel disrespected, they will shut down.

Practical application: never, NEVer, NEVER talk negative about your husband in front of the kids. NEVER. (and for that matter, never in front of ANYONE).

More on what men need next week...

Love & Respect 1

2009-01-27T13:36:00.002-05:00

As soon as Jerald & I got the email announcing the Love & Respect meetings that would be held at Grace, we put our names on the list. We had read the book together (& even taught a breakout session on parts of it) and agreed that no other book impacted us like this one in regards to understanding one another.

Eph. 5:33- "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Last night was the first session and we were blessed as expected. It was great for me to be reminded that my husband needs my respect (or reverence, my preferred word) just like he needs air to breathe. When I step on his air hose and cut off the flow of respect, he feels emasculated, unworthy and degraded. No matter how tough our men are, emotionally they are vulnerable to our contempt.

Scripture does not suggest that I respect my husband; it COMMANDS it. There is no qualifier in that. Nothing says that I should respect him only if he deserves it. How would I like it if Jerald only showed me love when I deserve it? (LORD help us all; I would never receive love).

Here's the thing about love & respect: it will make a bad marriage good and a good marriage better. That's how important it is.

So knowing all this, why do we get on that crazy cycle: without love, she reacts without respect; without respect he reacts without love. Why do I make him feel like the problems are his fault? Why do I put expectations on him and than act disrespectful because he doesn't meet them? Why do I think that if HE would be the one to change, things would get better? Sometimes I am such a slow learner. Nagging and placing expectations on him is terribly disrespectful! We wives cry out for love, but we aren't helping at all because of our contempt. Why do we more easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our husbands?

Marital problems and discord happen; they happen to everybody. We're all "sinners who say I do", (another good book!) Just because trouble shows up, we should not conclude that we've married the wrong person. The craziness continues when we keep doing the same thing with the same bad results. What we should conclude is that we are on the crazy cycle and we need to get off.

Communication, or lack thereof, seems to be one of the stickier aspects of marriage. A lot of that has to do with the way we hear and interpret. Men hear through blue hearing aids and women through pink. What I say is not what Jerald hears and what he thinks he heard is not what I meant at all. Craziness... :) It's so easy to focus on our own needs and lose sight of the needs of the other person.

Wives, we cannot afford to wait until our husbands make the first move! If I'm passing judgment on my husband for being unloving, I must ask myself if I am guilty of being disrespectful

The ultimate question becomes, "Does he feel respected?" It's not about him DESERVING respect; it's about him NEEDING it. 1 Peter 3: 1&2 are definitely talking about unconditional respect. Doing something that we don't feel like doing goes completely against our human nature. The way to fully love my husband is to respect him in ways that are meaningful to HIM. Something in my husband longs for me, as his wife, to look up to him with utmost reverence as he fulfills his role as my friend and lover.

Blessings of Contentment

2009-01-19T09:34:00.002-05:00

Despite the weather, this is one of my favorite times of the year. I think it's because my personality thrives on orderliness, checking off my task list and chaoslessness (is that a word?).

The holidays and birthdays are over until April (Brooke's birthday). My days are more organized and it's even possible to check EVERYTHING off of my list. My devotions are more intense, less hurried. The house stays in order because I have the time to clean a room or an area every day. I'm able to create menus ahead of time (versus throwing something together 30 minutes before it's time to eat).

All of this seems to notch my contentment up quite a bit. I love the coziness of being at home when it's cold outside and fulfilling my domestic tendencies. My days are permeated with the routine of keeping the home peaceful which in turn creates a harmonious atmosphere for Jerald and the kids.

I believe the older I get, the more I treasure this time. I know it won't last; spring will create another entire array of tasks to add to my to-do list. But we won't think about that just now and I will continue to treasure these days God has so abundantly blessed me with.

For you Moms with little children: I want this to be an encouragement to you. I remember life being a perpetual state of chaos at one point, but IT WILL GET BETTER. The challenge for you is to find contentment in the bedlam, fulfillment in the pandemonium.

God calls us to choose satisfaction and peace in whatever stage of life we are in or whatever circumstances He has laid out for us.

It Is Finished

2009-01-11T17:04:00.002-05:00

Christmas and birthdays are finally over for the Yost family. Whew! We had an awesome day with our kids yesterday, but I am looking forward to putting Christmas decos away and getting my house and schedule back to normal! It's hard to realize it's almost the middle of January. Yikes! Only 10 more months before I have to start the madness all over again. :)

Still Christmas

2008-12-28T21:05:00.002-05:00

We are still in the middle of the whole Christmas thing and still have 2 weeks to go. (Sorry, Danny, but our tree isn't coming down for a while).

We loved the Christmas Eve service at church. It seems we are never home on Christmas, so we really appreciated it. We might just insist that Christmas Eve and Day are set aside for our kids after this.

We had a very different Christmas Day. Jerald didn't feel very good all day, so after some yummy cinnamon rolls, I took the kids to see "Bedtime Stories". It was light-hearted and fun, but also had a good message. We came home and had Chicken Fajitas and played Pictionary.

The next day, we went to Indiana for Christmas with Jerald's family. His mom has MS pretty bad and isn't really able to do a whole lot anymore. We are wondering how much longer we can stay at their house. We came home Saturday night.

Next weekend is Christmas with my mom; the highlight of the whole time will culminate on Sunday afternoon when we pick Adam up at the Cincy airport. His 19th birthday was yesterday. We talked with him on Friday; I asked him if he was ready to come home. His reply? Yes & no, mostly no.

Two weeks from yesterday will end our Christmas celebrations. I know I will be ready to get everything put away and be back on a normal schedule, but until then I will enjoy the time with my husband and kids.

The Season

2008-12-18T08:27:00.002-05:00

Even though I start feeling a teensy bit of stress at everything that needs to be accomplished right now, I still enjoy this time of year. It's a time of being at home as much as possible, baking with my girls and listening to Christmas music. (My favorites right now are Trans-Siberian Orchestra and Fernando Ortega). The secret for me is to look ahead about 4 weeks in my planner and list all the food for various family get-togethers that needs to be made and plan accordingly. Everything possible goes in the freezer.

Jerald and I always take a weekend in early December and go to another city to Christmas shop. It's nice to be able to talk openly (versus secret code) about what we need to buy and order, and I always love his input. Plus the hotel and eating out are nice little amenities!

This week, we are putting as much in the freezer as we can. Brooke made tons of cookies for a couple gatherings, I made a cheesecake for Jerald's work Christmas and various candies (fudge, buckeyes, cream cheese candies). I'm also helping my mom get some food in her freezer for the family Christmas of 40+ brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, etc. Next week will be more of the same, plus finish shopping and wrapping.

We are going to Indiana the day after Christmas for Jerald's family Christmas. I have all the gifts bought and wrapped for that except one and that one is up to Jerald. Our tradition for dinner is tacos. Jerald's mom has MS and is no longer able to get around very well, so we are going to his brother's for the actual dinner and gifts. My contribution for the meal is appetizers, wassail, cookies and candy.

My family Christmas is always the New Year's weekend, Friday night to Sunday, although some don't come until Sat. My mom's house isn't big enough for everyone to stay there, so I host some of the family here (most are from out-of-state). Interestingly enough, we also have a tradition of tacos for dinner Saturday night. (It's simply amazing how different something like tacos can taste). On Sunday, we have a baked potato bar. My mom usually takes care of the Friday night supper by herself, but I'm helping with that this year. It's been soup and apple dumplings for a very long time.

Adam doesn't get home from Africa until January 4th, so Christmas with our kids will be the following weekend, Jan. 9th & 10th. The eve before gifts, we have snacky-type foods and play games together. The next day we have a hearty breakfast, gifts and a tradition of fondue for dinner.

On top of Christmas, we also have some birthdays to work in: Adam-Dec. 27th and Colin-Jan. 2nd. I usually let the kids choose their favorite meal; they range from roast beef & mashed potatoes to chicken fajitas.

One day at a time, sweet Jesus.
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength to do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone, sweet Jesus, and tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord, help me today, show me the way, one day at a time.

Mind Your Manners

2008-12-04T19:46:00.002-05:00

With all of the family gatherings, holiday get-togethers and Christmas dinners approaching, it might be necessary to focus on dinner table manners with our families.

Mealtimes in the Yost home have always been an important part of our day. It is the time of the day when we sit down as a family and connect with one another. To make that hour as pleasant as possible, we spent a season when the kids were little reminding them of acceptable mealtime behavior.

We've all spent time sitting across a table with children who were eating like cavemen. They couldn't sit still, they slurped, they used their fingers, they interrupted, they reached, and yes, sometimes burped. This type of conduct was totally unacceptable when I was a child.

Somewhere along the line, I'm afraid we've forgotten to teach our kids the polite way to eat. We figured that once they had mastered picking up food themselves and getting it in their mouths instead of their hair, our job was finished. It could partly be because as a culture, we've made dinner a casual affair.

Families used to eat dinner together, and not just once a week, but the majority of the evenings. Today, because of schedules, we sit down, we inhale, we get up. Studies show that eating together as a family has awesome benefits. Teens who eat dinner with their families at least five times a week are less likely to do drugs or be depressed, and are more likely to do well in school. (Research by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse) Kids who never eat with their parents are 60% more likely to smoke or drink. It only makes sense that dinner is one of those opportunities to be together and actually talk. Kids internalize the message of Christ when they see us together as a family and living it out. Eating together provides a time to talk with our kids about their day. It gives us opportunity to keep up with what they are thinking and doing.

So now that we have established the necessity of a family mealtime, wouldn't it be more enjoyable if our children knew how to act properly at the table? It starts with setting the table. Even the youngest can be taught the proper way to set a place setting. Train them to do it properly. I know it seems like a minor detail, but it's the beginning of decorum. If it helps, draw the outlines of the plate, cup, knife, spoon and fork on paper and laminate it. They will feel really important at being able to do this on their own. Moms, if you don't know yourself, google it. :) Napkins are a vital piece of an enjoyable meal. Teach your kids to use it instead of their sleeves! Other important etiquette rules are elbows off the table, please chew with your mouth shut, sit still in your chair, no eating with fingers, use utensils properly, take turns speaking. It's a time to learn to listen quietly when another person is speaking.

This might all seem like a small piece of a child's training, but it pertains to respect, honor and courtesy. It will carry over to other areas of their lives.

When children sit at dinner respectfully, the time together is more enjoyable for everyone. It will take consistency, discipline and patience, but the dividends will be worth it. Just ask your relatives who may have to eat with your barbaric offspring at the next Christmas dinner.

Frantic Friday

2008-11-29T09:20:00.002-05:00

I REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE!

In my opinion "Black Friday" has become exactly that: black! As black as the depravity of man's heart.

How can any material thing be more important than a human life? One greeter at a Walmart won't be celebrating the season with his family. Instead his family is planning his funeral. The masses broke the doors down and trampled him underfoot as they madly rushed to get those iPods or xboxes or gps or... How can this happen?

Nicole works at Walmart in Troy. Thankfully, she didn't have to work till afternoon. She came home last night and told us about a man who punched a lady and her daughter because they took the last xbox off the shelf!!

A couple years ago, Jerald & I decided to get up in the middle of the night and go to a Best Buy for something ( I don't even remember what it was anymore). We stood in a line that went across the front, down the side and half way around the back of the store. Even after the store opened, the line barely moved. We decided it wasn't worth the ridiculous wait, so we went home. Jerald went online and got the same exact item for the same exact price with no shipping.

How can we go from spending one day in thanksgiving with our families to spending the very next day in a lustful, mad pursuit of stuff? It's like something (or someone) temporarily takes up residence in the heart and causes actions and attitudes that are insane.

For shame America!

Sensible

2008-11-18T14:08:00.002-05:00

Titus 2:3-5
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands that the word of God may not be dishonored".

that they may encourage the young women to...be sensible.

It seems that much thought and time are spent in the encouragement to love husbands and children, but my attention lately has been drawn to that one little word, sensible. What exactly does it mean to be sensible? How does an older woman encourage the younger woman to be sensible? How do we, in a practical manner, live sensibly? What happens if we do not incorporate this virtue into our lives?

The NASB uses the word 'sensible' in this passage of Scripture; the ESV says 'self-controlled'; KJV 'discreet'. The Greek word comes from two parts of speech: a verb meaning to save, to keep safe, to rescue from danger and a feminine noun referring to the mind as a faculty for perceiving and judging, but also meaning the midriff, a part of the heart that masters desires and passions. If we put these two together, we could safely conclude that sensible means training the heart so that the mind can discern what is free from harm and danger, what is safe, prudent and trustworthy. It would involve restraining desires and impulses. (I don't particularly care for the ESV definition of self-controlled. Anything with self at the beginning seems to leave out the work of the Holy Spirit and from what I've concluded there is no way to be a sensible woman without the working of the Spirit in the heart.) The same word is used in 1 Timothy 3:2 in reference to an overseer being prudent.

A verse in Proverbs brings to mind what an unsensible woman might be like- "like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man (or woman) who has no control over his spirit". (25:28)
Romans 6:12 commands us to "not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts".
I believe Peter knew what he was talking about (based on his past)when he instructed us to apply all diligence to moral excellence, knowledge and discretion (mastering desire, passion & appetites). He reminds us that if these qualities are ours and they continually increase in us, we will not be useless or unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Now I have to ask, who of us, as women, don't need instruction on mastering our emotions? A sensible woman doesn't let the emotions of her heart master her actions and attitudes.

So, how can on older woman train a younger lady in this? We cannot encourage the younger to be sensible when we ourselves do not live controlled by the Holy Spirit. If we are setting the example of a life that's ruled by our passions, desires and emotions, our words of encouragement will fall on deaf ears. We train by example first. And, Moms, you are showing your little girls every single day.

What does living sensibly look like? I asked each of my girls what came to their mind after hearing me read Titus. One said, "it's thinking before acting"; another said, "it's not being a dumb blonde, not acting stupid (stupid is a mean word :)), being smart" and the other mentioned "not being giggly, being responsible". I think that's a pretty good summary. And I'll let you decide who said what.
Other thoughts that came to my mind were establishing boundaries and schedules and than living by them. It seems that schedules may curb our impulses to just do what feels good at the moment. It is sound judgement, common sense, right thinking, the normal process of knowing your right priorities, controlling the temper, meekness (strength under control), applying wisdom in a practical way by modeling God's word.

Being sensible is NOT living by our feelings.

What happens if we don't incorporate this virtue into our lives? I believe if we realized the seriousness of what God is asking of us, we may give these verses more than a cursory glance. Some passages of Scripture become so familiar to us, we read over them without a second thought. But read what it says at the end of Titus 2:5, "...that the word of God may not be dishonored". How serious is that? The Greek word for dishonored is blasfemo. It's easy to see what English word comes from that: blaspheme. What it's saying is that when I am not being sensible and training the younger ladies to be sensible, the very word of God will be spoken evil against. That's serious business! Ultimately, I will cause a sin and I will not be useful to God. Most importantly, God will receive NO glory.

I'm sharing my study on this in the hope that I can encourage someone who is where I was 20+ years ago. Maybe I can help them avoid the mistakes I made, due largely to a lack of knowledge.

Nothingness

2008-11-02T21:40:00.002-05:00

That's what my brain has been filled with as far as blogging material is concerned! I've been seriously limiting my computer time so that I can keep my priorities straight. Life has been very routine, which helps me keep my daily 'to do' list checked off.
I think Jerald is home for a time now, so that's nice.
Nicole still has the dining room table totally covered with college info. I'm wondering how much time I should give her. Having things out-of-order like that doesn't bug me as much as it used to, but I'm starting to think time's up.
Adam is getting excited about his Mali, Africa, trip. He leaves Wed. (10-5), so keep him in your prayers for the next two months.
Colin is busy with school, farming and social activities.
Brooke takes ice skating lessons every Monday night, which she absolutely loves. She's awfully thankful for her older brother and his driving status so that she can be socially active. She pretty much likes to have her weekends full.
Laina has to always be the one who hangs out with mom and dad; actually, I think she likes the attention.
God continues to pour his blessings out on our family; we are continually seeking His will and praying a lot!

Messiah-like?

2008-10-21T12:55:00.003-04:00

CAL THOMAS COMMENTARY OCTOBER 21, 2008

IN MANY YEARS OF COVERING AND PAYING ATTENTION TO POLITICS, I’VE HEARD A LOT OF STRANGE STUFF, BUT THIS ONE IS NEAR THE TOP.

DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE JOE BIDEN PREDICTS THAT IF BARACK OBAMA IS ELECTED PRESIDENT HE WILL FACE AN INTERNATIONAL CRISIS WITHIN HIS FIRST SIX MONTHS IN OFFICE. BIDEN SAYS IT COULD COME FROM ANY ONE OF SEVERAL PLACES – RUSSIA, OR THE MIDDLE EAST HE MENTIONED. BUT THEN, SPEAKING OF OBAMA AND HOW THE CRISIS WILL BE DELIBERATE IN ORDER TO TEST HIS METTLE, BIDEN SAID THIS: “HE’S GONNA NEED YOUR HELP. AND THE KIND OF HELP HE’S GONNA NEED…NOT FINANCIALLY TO HELP HIM – WE’RE GONNA NEED YOU TO USE YOUR INFLUENCE WITHIN THE COMMUNITY TO STAND WITH HIM. BECAUSE IT’S NOT GONNA BE APPARENT INITIALLY, IT’S NOT GONNA BE APPARENT THAT WE’RE RIGHT.”

SO, AN UNKNOWN AND UNPREDICTABLE CRISIS WILL REQUIRE AN UNKNOWN AND UNPREDICTABLE RESPONSE FROM A PRESIDENT OBAMA, BUT HIS SKILLS ARE SO MESSIAH-LIKE THAT IN ADVANCE WE ARE TO SUPPORT HIM IN HIS RESPONSE BECAUSE HE WILL BE RIGHT, EVEN IF IT MIGHT APPEAR THAT HE IS WRONG. THIS IS HUBRIS ON STEROIDS. I’M CAL THOMAS IN WASHINGTON.

Interesting stuff here...
By the way, hubris means arrogant.
No matter what we believe in regards to voting, we MUST believe and engage in actively praying for our future!

Happy Birthday Laina Mae

2008-10-06T15:41:00.015-04:00

I have to post this a little early due to the Chicago event, which caused a little stress a while back when Laina realized I wasn't going to be home for her birthday (and, by the way, neither is her Dad who is away on business this week). Actually, it's turning out quite well for Laina because a one day birthday is turning into a 4-day event.

"L" for Laina

Eleven years ago, after 2 1/2 hours of labor, our third daughter and fifth child was born on October 9, 1997, at 12:03 pm- Laina Mae Yost (we liked the feminine sound of Laina & Mae is her grandma's middle name). It was a very bittersweet time for me because I was pretty certain this would be the last baby I would ever have and I loved my babies!

I've kept baby books on all the children (some have more info than others)and I found a prayer I wrote shortly after she was born:
"Oh Father, make me a better parent. Teach me to understand my child, to listen patiently to what she has to say, and to answer all her questions kindly. Keep me from interrupting her or contradicting her. Make me as courteous to Laina as I would have her be to me. Forbid that I should ever laugh at her mistakes or resort to shame or ridicule when she displeases me. May I never punish her for my own selfish satisfaction or to show my power. Guide me hour-by-hour that I may demonstrate by all I say and do that honesty produces joy. Reduce, I pray, the meanness in me, and when I am out-of-sorts help me to hold my tongue. May I ever be mindful that Laina is a child and that I should not expect of her the judgement of an adult. Make me fair and just and kind. Fit me, Oh Lord, to be loved, respected and imitated by Laina."
How interesting that God already knew when I prayed that prayer that she was going to be the most talkative and questioning child we would ever have! :)

Another excerpt from the baby book:
"We aren't sure where the phrase 'terrible twos' came from, but that certainly does not describe you. We are loving every minute of you. Mommy calls you her 'bright spot'".

skipping ahead to age 7- we've shed many tears over lost or killed kitties- she truly loves them

Laina never got into the traditional little girl (so much for the feminine-sounding name) role of playing house and babies. She wants to be outside and busy with her pets or riding bike or jumping on the trampoline or rollerblading. The interesting thing, though, is that she also has this side of her that likes to study and write what she thinks and feels.

age 8- now this is when she started getting spunky- if you look close you can see it in her eyes

9 years old- never far from her pets

dance praise- Christmas 2006

sneaking kitties in the house

very funny- 9 1/2 yrs

you go, girl- 10 yrs.

birthday #10

she hated to see those puppies sell- jan. 08

my hamming munchkin

learning to drive the 4-wheeler with dad- 10 1/2 yrs.

that position lasted about 2 seconds- sunbathing is not her cuppa tea

we did a mother/daughter lunch at Olive Garden today and she got a small part of her gift

my sunshine turning 11 in a few hours

There is no one word that sums up who Laina is, but several come to mind:
*intelligent (the easiest student I've had)she can out-math and out-spell most of her older siblings, which doesn't make for smooth relationships.

*incredible grasp of God's Word (sometimes leaving me slightly bewildered)

*outgoing

*peacemaker (to the point of giving in just to keep everyone happy)Is it wrong for me to encourage her a little more towards being OK with having an opinion that's different from others?

*adamant

*considerate

*affectionate

*enjoys adult conversations

*gives as good as she gets

Her favorite pastimes are:
*one dog- Mandy
*two cats- Butterfinger & Scotch (and at the moment 6 kitties- anyone need a kitty?)

*riding her bike
*being outside
*reading
*studying & writing
*writing notes to her mom & dad (I'm saving them- they are precious!)Here's a part of her most recent paper handed to me:

Some struggles she has:
*keeping her room clean- we're talking BAD (I'm not sure whose is worse- Nicole or Laina)
*sassiness
*insisting she's right- even when it's dead obvious she's wrong (hmmm...wonder where that comes from?)
*being overly sensitive

Laina, you are loved and enjoyed in our family more than you will ever know. You have brought laughter, life and joy to all of us. We love your extremely distinct personality. Happy Birthday my very sweet 11 year old daughter- my baby.

Let the Wife see to it that she Reverence her Husband

2008-09-30T10:31:00.004-04:00

This seems to be a topic of mine that surfaces on an extremely regular basis! I seriously lose track of the countless times I meditate on this thing of reverencing my husband! I don't know about the rest of you, but reverencing my husband does not come naturally! In fact, we're told in Gen. 3:16 that the woman's "desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." Translated, it means that the woman's desire will be to rule over her husband. It is only by daily (sometimes minute-by-minute) seeking of the LORD's help that I can even attempt this thing of reverence!

(By the way, I prefer to use the word reverence instead of respect; respect means to have esteem towards, to think highly of- which I can do towards any man who is worthy of it. But reverence? ahhh...now that's a much deeper word. It means a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe, a feeling of profound awe and love- it's the awe that makes the difference).

I would venture to say that most of us could say we respect our husbands, but do we reverence them?

Reverencing begins in the mind! "The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart."- Lu 6:45
If we start by revering our husbands in our thoughts, it will soon spill over into our speech! But if we think of them negatively, a critical spirit or words will follow. WE CANNOT BE OUR HUSBAND'S HOLY SPIRIT!
I read somewhere a long time ago that we must give God the negatives and give our husbands the positives.

Practically speaking, how can we do this? How can we systematically exercise the command in Eph. 5:33?

Here's some things I have come up with:
*Release my expectations of what I think my husband should do or be to God
*LET him lead- it's OK if he makes mistakes
*Realize that he will never be perfect (look at myself, for pete's sake!)
*Encourage any and all attempts at spiritual leadership (did you know your husband feels very inadequate?)
*Make him KNOW and feel that he is my hero
*Praise him for his hard work and the money he provides for his family
*Actually, praise him for everything!
*Do not EVER be negative about finances; husbands take this personally
*Give him some space from my emotional chit-chatting
*Don't expect him to read my mind
*Let his home be his haven- do our husbands drag their feet about coming home because of the chaos & haggard-looking shrew they know they will find there?
*Being a content wife speaks volumes to our husbands
*LISTEN when he speaks; don't be so quick to jump in with my own comment or opinion
*Focus on what made me love him in the first place
*Stop focusing on what's "wrong" with him and find out what's wrong with myself
*Let him enjoy "guy" things without making him feel guilty that this somehow isn't "spiritual" (i.e.- football (fantasy or real), softball, bowling, fishing, tinkering, in fact, show an interest in whatever it is)
*Stop thinking that if only he would do this or that my problems would be solved
*Never, EVER, EVER belittle my husband in public
*Make him my best friend
*When something needs to be discussed, speaking the truth in love applies most of all to my husband
*Sex- the more, the better- need I say more? (ha, you thought I forgot!)

I'm sure there are many more. I've found it helpful to focus on one aspect that I believe I need to work on and just do that for a time.

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me, and I in him, he bears much fruit; for apart from Me you can do nothing". John 15:4&5

We cannot do the impossible without abiding in the LORD of the possible!

Brokenness post script

2008-09-25T19:59:00.002-04:00

Imagine (ok, jessi, i know that's a stretch :)) my excitement when I discovered how concisely Beth Moore summarized what I tried to say in my comment on my last post about brokenness versus destruction, about Satan wanting to destroy and Christ wanting to use brokenness.

On page 53 of "Jesus the One and Only", Beth says EXACTLY what I was thinking about God's brokenness vs. Satan's brokenness. It is so important I'm going to quote it here:
"...heavy-duty oppression, which in essence is external oppression with the intent of breaking its object, is Satan's counterfeit for brokenness.
At times I've fought back the tears as I've heard testimonies of people who had been utterly unable to function, describing themselves as broken by God. I don't think God's brand of brokenness is total emotional wreckage. God's intent in breaking us is bending our stiff knees so that we will submit to Hs authority and take on His yoke. His aim is our abundant and effective life. Being totally unable to function because the mind and emotions are in shambles is Satan's counterfeit. Praise God, Christ can certainly use Satan's counterfeit brokenness to bring us to a place of accepting His own, but I think we credit some things to Christ that He didn't do."

That quote totally sums up my contemplation about the difference.

Brokenness

2008-09-11T21:12:00.002-04:00

I've been reading "Brokenness" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss the last few days. This is actually the second time I've read it. She contrasts the broken person to the unbroken. When I see that fear, loneliness, bondage, bad relationships, communication issues, generation gaps, unresolved conflicts, self-focus, hypocrisy and, yes, even shyness are all caused by pride (the opposite of brokenness), my heart cries out to be broken. I know that the only way for true revival in my heart is to be completely empty of self. God cannot use my religiousness, my outward attempts of righteousness. He wants my humble, contrite, broken heart.

But...am I truly willing to let my heart be broken. I really DO want a deep sense of peace and joy, but can I get myself out of the way, can I let go of the control I think I have? Can I honestly say, "break me, LORD"? Because true brokenness before God involves a constant, daily, minute-by-minute way of life. It is agreeing with God about the condition of my heart. It is destroying my self-will, my self-reliance, my hard heart. I have to know that the outcome far outweighs the process; God has promised me that.

And so...I can say, "yes, LORD, break me".

I think ;)...

A really great quote from the book:
"...the broken, contrite heart is easily molded by the hand of God and does not harden itself against the circumstances God chooses to mold it".

Summer's End

2008-09-02T11:17:00.003-04:00

Summer, in our home, is officially over. School has officially started as of today. I jealously guard the days of summer and do not consider it finished until Labor Day. We have always started school the day after Labor Day. I sometimes kind of dread the thought of school starting up, but when the day actually arrives, I enjoy it. We get back to a stricter schedule and it seems like I get more accomplished.

Adam graduated from high school this past spring so now it's just the younger three. Even that is somewhat different because Colin enrolled at Sinclair this fall for his junior year; he will only be doing 2 subjects at home this year. Brooke is starting her Freshman year and Laina is in 6th grade. My goodness, where did the years go? This is the start of our 12th year of homeschooling. When I think how fast that time went, I'm sure the next 6 years will go even faster. Then what will I do with myself??

Things I Learned This Summer:

~smart boss + smart employee = profit
~smart boss + dumb employee = production
~dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
~dumb boss + dumb empoyee = overtime

~a man will pay $2 for a $2 item he needs
~a woman will pay $3 for a $2 item she doesn't need

~to be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little
~to be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all

~a woman has the last word in any argument; anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

~at age 4...success is...not peeing in your pants
~at age 12...success is...having friends
~at age 16...success is...having a driver's license
~at age 25...success is...having sex when married
~at age 35...success is...having money
~at age 50...success is...having money
~at age 60...success is...having sex when married
~at age 70...success is...having a driver's license
~at age 75...success is...having friends
~at age 80...success is...not peeing in your pants

Shoes

2008-08-29T10:15:00.002-04:00

I'm going to confess right up front that this is going to be an extremely shallow blog! :)

I LOVE shoes (& bags). I always have, even though I know very good and well what THE BOOK says about love and who we are supposed to love. So you all understand it's not THAT kind of love. It's a shallow love.

Which leads me to this bumper sticker on Nicole's Facebook that made me laugh:

Waiting

2008-08-26T09:30:00.003-04:00

...accompanied with patience, has never been one of my dominant virtues. I'm more inclined towards doing, producing, gitterdone, the quicker the better. I especially get impatient when I have to wait on people. In fact, I stopped praying for patience awhile back because God kept inserting opportunites for me to display it towards my children. :)

But, waiting is so often what God calls me to do- waiting with patience. My humanness tells me I am being unproductive if I am sitting still. Sometimes my prayers can be more of a frantic desperation that God do something NOW. My heart can actually feel tight and squeezed when I don't see anything happening.

In the past several months I believe God has been speaking to me through His Word about this subject of waiting patiently:

Psalm 25:4&5- "Make me know Your ways, O LORD; teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait all the day."
(I must insert here a great big thank you to Jessi for directing me to these verses in regards to my children. She has no idea how much this has blessed me. I want to pass it along: whenever the word 'me' is used in these verses, insert a child's name. I love you, Jessi!)

Psalm 27:14- "Wait for the LORD; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the LORD."

Psalm 37:7- "Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him..."

Psalm 62:5-8- "My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be shaken. On God my salvation and my glory rest; the rock of my strength, my refuge is in God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."

Isaiah 40:31- "...yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary."

Acts 1:4- "And gathering them together, He commanded them not to leave Jerusalem, but to wait for what the Father had promised..." (read the rest of this passage)

Titus 2:13- "...waiting (looking) for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Saviour, Christ Jesus..."

Believers seeking to glorify God will simply wait. It is in waiting that God will bring about my sanctification through spiritual growth; it is in waiting that I am actually given new strength. He does not want me waiting with a sense of quiet desperation, but with a courage that He is my hope and salvation. God is a very patient potter, smoothing out my rough edges through sanctifying grace, settling my soul to trust in God that He is exercising His perfect will- even in those areas where I wait...and wait...and wait...

And so, maybe I now have the assurance to go back to praying for patience. :)

And a great big, full-of-love HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the most important man in my life!

Truth

2008-08-18T09:20:00.006-04:00

"I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth." 3 John 4

Colin reading his testimony.

"I have been raised in a Christian home with parents who loved me and taught me about God and His love all of my life. I have known about Jesus for all of my 16 years.

About two years ago I realized that just knowing who Christ is wasn’t enough; I needed a personal relationship with Christ. I needed to really know Him. I confessed that I was a sinner; I needed Christ and His redemptive power of the Cross to wash and make me clean.

Titus 3:4-7 says “But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but because of His mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, that being justified by His grace we might be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.”

I have submitted to Christ and His finished work on the cross. I believe that I will never be good enough or be able to do enough for salvation, that it is my faith in Christ and nothing else that saves me. It is this same faith that makes me part of His body.

I want to be baptized to show the world that my belief in an awesome and powerful God is real, that He will love me even through the process of growing in His grace. Baptism, for me, makes me accountable to other believers because it is an outward confession of what is in my heart."

What an awesome day to experience the 4th baptism in our family. God's blessings are too numerous to count! One thing that is very clear to us as parents is even though we don't always agree with the choices our children make, we NEVER doubt that they love Jesus and sincerely desire to serve Him.

God is good all the time!

Lake Erie

2008-08-12T14:21:00.017-04:00

...was awesome in a completely different sort of way than our previous getaway. It was awesome to create memories with those I love the most- husband and kids. We were extremely bummed that Adam wasn't able to go with us. We left early Thursday morning and went to East Harbor State Park; it's on a peninsula northwest of Sandusky.

We had to go see the lake first thing!

Our camper supposedly sleeps 8- I suppose that's true if all the kids were 5 and under. We've always felt a little cramped with all of our big kids and so this time we borrowed my mom's little pop-up for the girls to sleep in. All the kids pitched in and we were set up in no time.

A good portion of our days was spent in the water...

or near the water...

or eating...

One day Jerald, Laina and I took a stroll down the beach and out on this walkway made of huge rocks.

Another day, we went to the Marblehead Lighthouse- the oldest lighthouse in continuous operation on the Great Lakes, built in 1819.

We snuck in some family pics at the beautiful area surrounding Marblehead.

"ewwwwww...that's disgusting!"

On our last day, we were able to play Bocce ball on a sandbar surrounded by water.

Other random pics...

Camping is actually one of our favorite things to do with our kids. It's a totally relaxed atmosphere, no schedule...sleep when you want, get up when you want, eat when you want, read when you want and is one of the cheapest family-oriented activities there is. It creates great, good times and lasting memories. There's nothing like sitting around a campfire, talking, roasting marshmallows, just being together. We've thought about other family things we could do; let's see...Cedar Point (we saw it from the lighthouse)- $315 for the day, Disney World- $525 for one day, Kings Island- $330. It really gripes me that these places are all about family, but one has to remortgage their house to go.

And so, I guess we will stick with camping for now...it's a lot less stress anyway! The only thing we are praying for is the opportunity to take Dan & Chris! :)

Myrtle Beach

2008-08-04T10:14:00.008-04:00

...was awesome! It was great to have a vacation with the love of my life, minus kids. Every marriage needs to experience getting away sans children. We try to do that about once a year. I must admit, it gets easier when the children can take care of themselves.

There's really not a lot to blog about our time away. For five days it followed this pattern:
~get up at 9
~eat breakfast till 10
~get ready to go to beach
~spend until 3p on the beach
~get ready for dinner
~eat dinner at 5
~back to beach to enjoy evening ocean
~to bed to enjoy the next day all over

check out the awesome wine glasses!

On the sixth day, we drove back to Charleston to stay overnight since we had a 6am flight out the next day. On the way there, we decided to tour a plantation home. It was unfurnished and very roughly restored, but we enjoyed the tour and the history

We had to cross this really cool bridge (which ALWAYS makes my feet tingle!) to get into Charleston. I did not realize that Charleston is on a peninsula.

That evening we walked the streets of historical Charleston and ate great seafood.

And today it's back to reality!

Kids will be kids & Jezebel

2008-07-23T17:21:00.002-04:00

This post is going to be completely off-the-cuff- not my usual well-thought-out and edited versions, so bear with me...

I was doing some reading in Revelation (2:18-29) this morning (that's what we are studying in church right now) and v. 24 stuck out to me: "But I say to you, the rest who are in Thyatira, who do not hold this teaching, who have not known the deep things of Satan, as they call them- I place no other burden on you."

First of all, I assume "this teaching" would be the false teaching of the false prophetess, Jezebel, who lured some in the church to practice immorality and eating food sacrificed to idols.

The part that really caught my attention was "the deep things of Satan, as they call them". "As they call them" seems like John is mocking what the heretics thought they knew- their so-called secret knowledge. I wonder if Jezebel's goal was to convince people that they couldn't really learn the true nature of sin unless they experienced the deep pits of all things evil- a twisted version of saying only those who have really experienced sin can truly appreciate grace.

All of this to get to my thoughts about raising our children...

Have you ever heard the expression "kids will be kids" or "they just need to sow their wild oats" or "rumspringa"? (The last is the Amish tradition of allowing their young people to rebel and misbehave before baptism in the hope that they will get it out of their system.)

This theology is completely against everything God's Word teaches:
~IKi.11:1-13- "...You will not associate with them...for they will surely turn your heart away after their gods..."
~Ps.1:1- "How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked..."
~Prov.1:10-19- "My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent..."
~Prov.4:14- "Do not enter the path of the wicked..."
~1Cor.5:9- "I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people..."
~1Cor.15:33- "Do not be deceived, bad company corrupts good morals."
and many, many more.

My brother-in-law, whom I greatly respect, told me one time that our children will ONLY live up to what we expect of them. If we expect our teenagers to act like the world's teenagers, then they probably will. If we expect our 2 year old to fit the "terrible twos", then they probably will. If we expect our adolescent daughters to be moody, then they probably will.

I believe God is calling us parents to set extremely high standards for our kids, while also showing them that we are sinners whom God is waiting to pour His grace on. We should not expect our kids to wallow in the flesh pots of Egypt, so that they can more readily experience grace. We cannot look around us and set our standards! We need to look to God's Word for our standards. It's so easy to say, "Well, at least our kids aren't as bad as ____________". We so readily accept substandards because we have a skewed idea of what's acceptable. That goes for us, too, as adults.

We must stay vigilant in our prayer life, praying hedges around our homes, our kids, our hearts...and let's pray for each other, too.

Life in General

2008-07-09T08:23:00.002-04:00

It seems like we have fallen back into a routine, which I enjoy.
It is amazing that it is already July; the summer always goes way too fast for me.

Nicole, Colin & Laina are all involved with VBS this week. (If you want to read a great perspective for all you volunteers, read Nicole's blog- linked on my page).
Adam is finishing up this week at Camp Reveal and Brooke has another 10 days, or so, as a nanny in IN for my nephew and his wife. Which leaves Jerald and I completely alone in the evenings. Now that's a weird situation- it hasn't been that way for almost 21 years. First of all, I don't know how to cook in small quantities. I'm used to doubling every recipe I make. Monday night we started with wine & cheese for hors d'ouvres and then bruschetta for dinner. It's really an appetizer too, but I made it a main dish- something the kids would never go for. Last night, I met Jerald in town for dinner at Night Sky; that was way cool. I think tonight we will do Chicken Salad Croissants.

Although I look forward to someday having our time alone, I'm not really wanting to rush the process. It will be good next week to have all the kids home again.

It has been a long time since we have not gone to see fireworks on the 4th, but that is exactly what happened this year. We only had 2 kids at home that night and neither of them were very thrilled with the yucky weather; they didn't care if they saw fireworks or not so, by george, we weren't going to push the issue. They are the only reason we have went for years anyway. Even though I think fireworks are very pretty, it's hard to get past the amount of money spent for 20-30 minutes.

Saturday night, we sat on the deck roasting hotdogs and marshmallows in our firepit while the neighbors set off their fireworks- actually quite impressive. So, I guess we got in our little bit of patriotism.

And so life goes...

VACATION!

2008-06-30T20:34:00.003-04:00

...finally. Not really vacation as going anywhere, but vacation as my husband being home every day this week. I was so busy the entire month of June with cleaning, sorting, bagging, throwing away, giving away, etc. that I completely forgot he has the whole week off.

Adam graduated Saturday and his open house was Sunday, so now we are ready to relax. When I woke up this morning (at a shameful 8:00, but I make no apologies), I almost didn't like the feeling of not having some BIG goal to accomplish for the day. I mostly did odd jobs, a couple loads of laundry, a little straightening and putting away, but that's it. I hardly know how to act.

It looks like our kids' schedules will keep them occupied the month of July. Adam's at Camp Reveal as a youth counsellor for 2 weeks, Brooke is in Indiana doing the nanny thing for my nephew and his wife for 3 MORE weeks, only to get home in time for Momemtum for a week. VBS will keep Nicole and Laina busy for a week and sometime Jerald & I want to use our free plane tickets for 5 or 6 days.

And so it goes...

Truck Shopping

2008-06-21T00:05:00.002-04:00

Let's see...
Nicole had her accident in Feb. and didn't get a replacement car until 3 months later.
Adam had his accident one week ago and got his replacement today.
Hmmm...interesting comparisons that might tell you a wee bit about our two older kids' personalities:

Nicole's concerns in looking for a new vehicle:
-Color
-Gas mileage
-Year
-Make/Model
-Price
-# of Miles

Adam's concerns in looking for a new vehicle:
-Gas mileage
-Cost

So, once again we are up and running.

And yes, Jodi, you will probably need to read "Calm My Anxious Heart" more than once a year in a few years. :)

Continuing Saga of Wrecked Vehicles

2008-06-13T21:58:00.002-04:00

This is unbelievable! Our son, Adam, wrecked his truck this morning when his tire blew off. He lost control and rolled it after hitting a fence post.

We are so extremely thankful he was not hurt badly. I took him to the Dr. to make sure there was no more glass in his cuts and to have his hand and leg xrayed.

We are praising God that nothing was broken, only suffering from tissue and muscle damage.

For those of you who don't know, our daughter totaled her car back in Feb. So once again, we have more drivers in the family than vehicles. I'm sure there is a lesson in all this somewhere!

Overload

2008-06-11T10:51:00.002-04:00

...fill to excess so that function is impaired.

I think this is where society is at today. Technology is making us feel overwhelmed and stressed. Being reachable any time and any place can get exhausting. We never feel finished for the day. Electronic gadgets can add convenience and even fun to our lives, but are we paying a price?

Today's technology can be addictive and time-consuming. Very little evidence shows that it has really made life more enjoyable. In fact, almost half of Americans think their lives have become more stressful.

We feel compelled to do everything there is to do: answer every call, return every text, follow every link. If you don't believe me, keep a log of all your time spent online, using your cell phone and texting. We get anxious because we can't digest all the info thrown at us. We are so afraid we are going to miss something that we flit from here to there trying to take it all in. How easy it is to keep on clicking, keep on searching, following threads from site-to-site, until we've literally spent hours at it. How often, if we get real and honest with ourselves, is this time spent trying to escape the reality of our every day lives?

Multi-tasking is over-rated! We can do it, but it means doing at least one of the tasks poorly. Constantly stopping one task to focus on the other and vice versa usually produces poor results. On this information super-highway, we let new info in, but haven't properly digested the old.

E-mailing can present a whole host of other stress-related problems. First of all, we have to spend time deciding what's important and what's not. On top of that, we have to decipher what the person is really saying. Are they angry or sarcastic or snippy, etc. It's impossible to hear tone-of-voice in an email or read body language. Here's the other thing that can get really sticky: think about how hastily we vent in anger and hit send, only to regret it later.

I think it's fine to accept the technological age we are living in. Of itself, there's nothing wrong with technology. But, with that acceptance comes the responsibility to set limits, to establish boundaries, to exhibit self-control. Technology should not distract us from our responsibilities. We need to learn respect for other people and their space, when and where it is appropriate to be using devices. In our home, cell phones are not allowed during mealtime or school. One of my absolute biggest pet peeves is when I'm in a conversation with a person and they answer their cell phone. It's as rude as if they would turn and start talking to another person in the middle of a sentence. I mean, duhhhh!

Here's something I heard the other day. In fact, it's what got me thinking about this topic. In the very near future, cell phone usage will be allowed DURING airline flights. Oh geesh...not only do I now get to practically sit on a complete stranger's lap, but I get to hear every bit of their very annoying conversations. Can you imagine an airplane full of emotionally needy (those who believe the earth will stop rotation if they don't take that call) people talking on cell phones all at the same time?

I use my cell phone and computer just as much as the next person, but I am trying very hard to go a day or two and not even open my computer. I always take calls from my husband and kids, but if I'm in the middle of something, I may not answer my phone.

Hypocrisy

2008-05-28T13:42:00.002-04:00

I receive a daily devotional from Walk in the Word by Dr. James MacDonald; this was yesterday's. Awesome stuff... (none of these words are mine, but I agree whole-heartedly).

But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. . . . It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God. 1 Corinthians 4:3-5

I grew up in a good church with good people. But one issue I noticed even as a young person was a constant struggle with an outward focus. Folks were obsessive about appearances.

As a kid, I remember the day I found out that a man in our church smoked cigarettes. I was shocked. To be clear, I think smoking is an unhealthy, addictive habit that I wouldn’t commend to anyone. If it’s something you have an addiction to, I hope the Lord sets you free. But somehow this external habit was blown way out of proportion and was thought to be the most awful thing a Christian could do. In our twisted little grid, you could only be a good Christian if you didn’t do "The Filthy Five" (smoking, drinking, dancing, gambling, and going to movies).

Well, what about all the other things you’re not supposed to do? Or the things you’re supposed to do that you don’t do? Well, we don’t really talk about those. We just obsess about the ones people can see.

The external was put under the microscope. The outward appearances were scrutinized. You couldn’t walk in the church foyer without everyone inspecting everyone else. And the truth of it is, nobody was pleasing anyone. It took me a long time to shake that mind-set in ministry.

I cannot please everyone. You can’t either. The attempt on our part to keep trying leads first to a crease, then a crevice, then a canyon of distance between who we are and who we try to appear to be. Let’s be done right now with people-pleasing. It’s destructive to us and despised by God. I dream a better dream for us than allowing petty people, majoring on silly things about which the Bible does not even explicitly speak, to control our hearts and lives. Let’s not allow even our brothers and sisters in Christ who have strong opinions to pressure us into external conformity that doesn’t reflect our hearts and doesn’t please or satisfy God. No doubt about it, hypocrisy has to go.

It would be hard to even frame language that could capture how much God hates hypocrisy. Most of the time we just don’t get it-God isn’t fooled by our cleverest act. How arrogant of us to think that God has forgotten what He told Samuel: "For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7).

2000 Miles

2008-05-26T20:19:00.002-04:00

Goodness...I've never had a week go by so fast. :-)

Last weekend, my uncle, who lives in Quinter, Kansas, passed away from cancer. My mom, two of my aunts and myself started out last Monday around 12:30 pm for my sister's house in Indiana where we were meeting another sister from northern IN. The 6 of us piled into her Suburban and headed for Kansas. We drove to the west side of St. Louis before stopping for the night.

Here's the interesting thing- I'm used to traveling with my husband who would never just drive around looking for a hotel. He would have calculated where we would be by bedtime and made advance reservations. We have 6 women, none of whom want to make a decision about our nightime accomodations. I have it within me to take charge, and yet feel the need to not be controlling- a real fine line, at times. Anyway, we finally decide and settle in for the night.

The next morning, we were on the way. We got to Quinter around 7:00pm on Tuesday, in time for the visitation. My aunt was so grateful we had made the effort to go, and that, in turn, made me thankful that my husband and children were willing to take care of things at home so I could go. We attended the funeral on Wed. morning and headed for home after spending the afternoon with my aunt and cousins.

This one thing I know- I will never be tempted to move to western central Kansas! I had forgotten the ever-present blowing wind, the dry, dusty air, the gravel roads...It's not a pleasant feeling to bite down on grit. Some of the locals commented that the day of the funeral was one of the windiest they have had in a while.

We spent Wed. night east of Kansas City. We were on the road Thurs. morning by 6 bells. We got to my sister's Thurs. evening and than had the 3 1/2 hour ride back to Ohio. I enjoyed the time with the ladies, but I was certainly glad to be home again. The kids had taken excellent care of everything, including meals and laundry.

My husband was actually kind of apprehensive about me going. We couldn't remember the last time I had went away and left him at home with the kids. He said he was nervous because he really didn't know how to do everything I do...and so, that was probably a good thing- for him to see a little of that.

Jerald took the day off Friday so we could have a 4-day weekend. We spent most of that time working outside, with a break on Sat. to attend a friend's graduation open house.

Like I said, the week flew by...here it is Mon. already.

Mother's Day

2008-05-12T18:33:00.002-04:00

I've tried to really down-play Mother's Day here...I don't want the kids to think they always have to get me anything or make it seem like a burden. But it seems like they WANT to, which is encouraging as a mom. I remember some of the homemade things when they were little, the cards, the drawings. One memorable year, I was served breakfast in bed complete with the flower in the vase. I usually HATE my food touching on my plate, but that time it didn't seem to matter so much.

This year has probably been the most touching. We had plans to spend the weekend in Indy with some friends. Saturday morning before leaving, Adam (our 18 yr.old) knocked on our bedroom door while I was still lazing in bed and said, "Happy Mother's Day, Mom" and produced roses. While in the mall browsing with our friends on Sunday (our girls had went off to shop by themselves) they appeared with candles for each of us moms. And then, to top the weekend off, after we got home Sunday night, all the kids produced a certificate for a one hour rejuvination facial.

The really cool part is not the gifts themselves, but that the kids take the time to know who I am as a person and what really speaks to me. Thanks kids...I love you all so much!

Yippee Skippee

2008-05-01T12:37:00.002-04:00

I'm going to the airport to get my husband tonight...he's been gone for most of the last two weeks. Then we get to spend the weekend together with my family at Pokagon State Park (Christmas gift from my mom). Even though there's a bunch of us, hubby and I will definitely be seeking out alone time.

If you haven't figured it out by now, my husband travels for business a fair amount of time. He loves, loves, loves his job and that means enough to me for me to support him no matter what. Because of homeschooling, it is more of a challenge for me to get to go along, but every now and then it works out.

The older the kids get, the harder it is to be mom & dad. Even though my husband and I talk every day while he's gone, it's hard to share adequately over the phone. When the kids were younger, it was more physically exhausting, but now it can be mentally and emotionally exhausting. Our kids have been a tremendous blessing to us, serving the Lord and loving Jesus, but there's just a certain amount of commotion going on pretty much 24/7. They have a lot they want to talk to us about (which we are very thankful for), but sometimes I can feel fairly overwhelmed trying to just listen and feel their emotions without trying to fix and solve and etc.
God has just been so incredibly good to us and our family. We have a strong marriage and 5 beautiful strong children. And how I went from the first sentence to this, I'm not really sure. I'm just typing my thoughts as they come...

Older women... (2)

2008-04-24T23:40:00.002-04:00

...to love their children.

"Motherhood can be both exhilarating and exasperating."

"Our perspective of motherhood should not be defined by our diverse experiences and fluctuating emotions."

"It's in the midst of the trials and challenges of motherhood that the command comes to love our children. Once again the Greek word phileo is used to describe the kind of love we are to show. As with our husbands, we are to love our children with a tender, affectionate, and passionate love."

"No profession requires harder work or greater sacrifice than motherhood."

"Because mothering requires constant sacrifice, the temptations to resentment, complaining and self-pity are always close at hand, But such selfishness will quickly sap the strength of our love for our children."

"As mothers, we have a choice. We can either resent the challenges and demands that accompany motherhood and persist in our selfishness, or we can draw from God's grace and receive His help to cheerfully lay down our lives for our children."

"Our only genuine source of refreshment comes from God."

"If Jesus needed to withdraw frequently and pray in order to receive His Father's help and strength, do we suppose we need such times any less?"

"In our effort to enjoy our children, we must never become tolerant of sinful behavior or lenient toward worldly compromise."

"Far better that children should cry under healthful correction, than that parents should afterwards cry under the bitter fruit to themselves and children, of neglected discipline." -Charles Bridges, 1846

"The avoidance of discipline is an expression of hate, not love." (Prov. 13:24)

"We naturally want our children to like us, to approve of us. However, we must never allow this desire for our children's approval to control our mothering."

"Are you inclined to think of your children as: work, responsibility, sacrifice, burden, more work?"

"The psalmist used words to describe children: heritage, fruit, reward, arrows."

"Our speech and actions are shaped by our thoughts."

"What is the ultimate purpose of a phileo kind of love? It is nothing less than the salvation of our children's souls. This is the chief end of mothering."

"No one has more potential to influence our children to receive and relfect the gospel than we do as mothers."

"'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness' (2 Cor 12:9); So if today you missed opportunities to show a tender love, or if you neglected to pray for your children, or if you were impatient with them, and even if you lost your smile and feel like a complete failure as a mother--take heart! God's grace is sufficient for you."

Marg's words: more excerpts from Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney.
As I think back to when our children were small, we made lots of mistakes, but one of the hardest things to endure was being criticized by others for our choices in raising them. I've never understood why we can't support one another as parents and just know that most of us are simply trying to do the best we know how at the moment. Even now, as the majority of our children are teenagers, there are certain unbiblical attitudes and actions that we cannot allow in our home. Others might think we are harsh in our handling of situations, but usually they don't really know the dynamics of our home. One goal we have is our desire for our children to please the Lord in their choices, not just pleasing us.
Parenting is not an easy thing, but the rewards are worth it. I just pray we can lift each other up and encourage one another. I know there are certain individuals who have helped us tremendously in making wise parenting choices. We need to not be afraid to share our burdens and concerns with each other.

Older women train the younger...

2008-04-21T09:05:00.002-04:00

...to love their husbands

phileo - this word describes the love between very close friends. It is a tender, affectionate, passionate kind of love.

agape - refers to a self-sacrificing love.

Paul chose phileo rather than agape to describe the kind of love we are to have for our husbands.

Paul didn't use agape in describing the love we are to cultivate for our husbands. He chose phileo. In fact, in commands specifically related to wives, agape is never used.

Husbands, in contrast, are specifically commanded to love their wives with an agape kind of love.

I believe that Scripture's specific commands to husbands and wives regarding their duties in marriage attest to our respective weaknesses. Men may be weaker in showing sacrifical love and are therefore exhorted to undertake it. But I believe women are generally weaker in exhibiting an affectionate love- thus the instructions given to us in Titus 2.

This command to phileo does not include a contingency clause.

Loving our husbands with a tender and passionate love is not something that happens automatically in our marriage.

We are not naturally prone to love. We are not naturally inclined to be passionate and respectful toward our husbands.

Loving our husbands-as biblically defined-is a learned response through the grace of God. The good news is that God is eager to teach us this love.

Sin destroyed my tender love.

Where sin is present, warm affection dissipates. Anger, bitterness, critiscism, pride, selfishness, fear, laziness- all vigorously oppose tender love. This love cannot survive in a heart that harbors sin.

In order to cultivate and maintain a tender love for our husbands, we must guard our hearts against sin. Our emotions are a warning system God graciously gave us to attract attention to the sin in our hearts. When we're not experiencing loving feelings toward our husbands, that's an alarm going off; there may be sin that needs attention.

Whenever our "sin alarm" (unloving feelings) goes off, we must examine our hearts and repent of any sin we find there. This is how we maintain a tender love toward our husbands.

When we see our husbands as sinners like ourselves-sinners in need of God's grace and mercy- it strips away any intolerant, critical, or demanding attitude we may be tempted to have.

Sometimes as wives we are more inclined to concentrate on what our husbands are doing wrong than what they are doing right.

We must choose to focus on our husband's many commendable qualities.

How long has it been since your heart really squeezed when you looked at him? Why is it you have forgotten the things that attracted you to him at first? Your husband needs to be told that you love him, that he is attractive to you. I want you to start changing your thought pattern.
How much better to admire him actively!

Our husbands should always remain first in our hearts and in our care.

To cherish means to hold dear, to care for tenderly or to nurture, to cling fondly to, or treat as precious.

We should prefer their company above all others. We should find genuine pleasure in serving them, and we should take an interest in what they enjoy.

God gives us grace to cultivate phileo- not only during courtship or our first year of marriage, but for our entire married lives.

Marg's words: all of the above sentences are excerpts from a book I am reading: Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney. So far, it is one of the best women's books I have ever read. It has spoken to me so much. After being married for 27 years, I can tell you that if you put this kind of phileo into practice in your own marriage, the results will astound you!

God's blessings as the Spirit prompts you to not just have a good marriage, but a mind-blowing awesome relationship!

Life

2008-01-28T12:13:00.001-05:00

Sometimes life is just hard! Whoever thought when we were having these cute little bundles of joy that 16-20 years later I wouldn't have a clue how to parent. Having "adult" children can be a real challenge. If we ask too many questions, we are "controlling and disrespectful"; if we don't ask questions we "don't care". What's a parent to do? The really tough thing is when they are making decisions we think are wrong according to Scripture. We can advise, but ultimately it's not in our hands. Our 18 yr old son is in a relationship with an unbeliever (hasn't confessed that Jesus is her Savior) and we see it pulling him down. His whole demeanor has changed over the last several months. We have been in many arguments lately about this, but the only thing left as a mom is to pray and love unconditionally. Do you know how hard that is? Not the praying part...the loving unconditionally. Oh yes, I love my son to pieces, but I find myself withholding affection or being terse with him. *sigh* Sometimes life is just hard!

Inflated Perspicacity

2007-11-16T10:29:00.000-05:00

Word-for-word quotes to some who have chosen a different church direction:
-"I hope you don't live to regret this"
-"Have you considered the heritage you are taking away from your children"
-"I am crushed & don't understand"
-"I do NOT understand at all"
-"There's no way this can be the right thing to do"
-"You should not have been subject to your husband in leaving this church"
-"History shows you can't leave this church & make it work"
-"We are praying for you that you will come back"
Where do people get off in thinking they can be the Holy Spirit for other's lives?
Why do we think we know where God is leading another person?
Who do we think we are?
How in the samhill can a person presume they know what is right for another person?
Why do people allow themselves to be tools for the use of the devil?
Why do people think that their particular church is the only place where all the correct answers are?
Something isn't right when "Christians" are telling other Christians what is wrong with their following the promptings of the Holy Spirit!
How can people have the audacity to know what God's will is for someone else?
How can we be so condescending, judgmental, presumptuous, arrogant, superior, self-righteous...

Why can't we genuinely love each other enough to say, "I maybe don't understand, but I trust you enough to know that you are seeking God's will. We give our blessing to you and we will be praying for you as you follow the LORD's direction".

Revelation

2007-11-09T11:36:00.000-05:00

In my reading this week, I came across the neatest verses...you know how that is, I've probably read this a million times before, but it never sank in.

2 Corinthians 2:14-16
"But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of Him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things?"

Aren't those just some of the sweetest word choices: triumphal procession, fragrance, aroma.

After some research, I found out Paul used those words for an exact purpose. Victorious Roman generals were given the privelege of parading through Rome with burning incense, followed by the conquered army who were either going to death or a life of slavery. The church in Corinth would have understood the imagery of these words.

Christ is the Victory and it is through me (and you) that the fragrance of the gospel is being spread. Is the aroma of my fragrance pointing others towards life or death? What is my life telling those around me? Wow!